Wonderful security system if we're attacked by a school of tuna.

Sheldon

I do not have to urinate. I am a master of my own bladder. Drat.

Sheldon

The four of you are three of my closest friends, and one treasured acquaintance.

Sheldon

My new computer came with Windows 7. Windows 7 is much more user-friendly than Windows Vista. I don't like that.

Sheldon

I'm not crazy; my mother had me tested.

Sheldon

Sheldon: You know, the more I think about it, the "mobster sauce" couldn't possibly contain chunks of mobster.
Leonard: And why is that?
Sheldon: It was listed under "Seafood."
Leonard: Maybe they were mobsters who "slept with the fishes."

I don't like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base!

Wolowitz

I disinfected the kitchen and the bathroom, and now I thought I'd learn Finnish.

Sheldon

If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside?

Sheldon

Wow, that's all you got after you were the most obnoxious person on a double date that included Howard Wolowitz?

Penny

Wolowitz: I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.
Leonard: And that didn't bother you?
Wolowitz: Au contraire; it meant she was gullible and open to a little probing.

Raj: Come on, let's get a drink.
Sheldon: I don't drink.
Raj: Well I do, and when my wingman is carrying a Green Lantern lantern, I drink a lot.

The Big Bang Theory Season 3 Quotes

Penny: I give up, he's impossible
Sheldon: I can't be impossible, I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, "I give up, he's improbable."

Yes, in 1917 when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper "Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung," his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin'.

Sheldon