The League

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Darren sproles on the league s6e3

These are the thinnest that I've got. Legally, I'm not allowed to call them pants.

Holding hands is the worst. That's not where the hand wants to be.

Golden Tate, still my favorite cereal.

PAM: Okay, let's start off our group therapy session the way we always do; checking in on how insane everyone is feeling today. William. Last week you were talking about your mother.
WILLIAM [crazily]: I don't want to talk about her.
PAM: She was making a grilled-cheese sandwich for you; she realized she forgot to put the tomatoes in, and then she jumped inside the oven to kill herself.
WILLIAM [crying]: I don't want to talk about my mom in the oven!
PAM: Closed the oven door; she stared at you through the little tiny window.

PAM: I'm going to need you to fill out these forms.
RAFI: I have to go where my wife is. My kids.
PAM: Your wife is dead; your children are dead. So marital status will be "single," and children is "zero."

PAM: Randall.
RANDY: I don't belong here; I don't need to be here. I think there's been some sort of mistake.
PAM: You do need to be here, because I think you've tried to commit suicide over 75 times, according to your files.

PAM: Now Raphael, before electroshock treatment I usually call family members and let them know this is about to happen. But yours are all dead.
RAFI: Call my sister?
PAM: Now listen, if I start smiling, or laughing, while it's happening, it's because I'm enjoying breaking you down. [after zapping them] It did make me laugh! It did make me laugh.

That wasn’t mouth-to-mouth. That was true love’s kiss.


You seedless watermelon!


Jordan Cameron: Did they just steal the coffin?
Cameron Jordan: Should we go get it?
J. J. Watt: No. I'm giving them a 50-yard head start.

We are no longer sitting shiva. We are now sitting Shiva.


Gina's gotten plenty of satisfaction. Have you seen Adrian Peterson? That dude is plowing her like the Mall of America parking lot after a snowstorm.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 91 in total

The League Quotes

Rafi: Gattaca!
Taco: I don't think he's seen that movie! He wouldn't be yelling that if he had.

Taco: What the hell's "M.L.A"?
Kevin: It means "Mouth Like Anus."

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