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Ahhh, I'm gonna mess everything up so I can fix it and keep my job. Bah. Bah. Good thing I'm here 'cause I do nothing. I make everybody nervous. Gahh.

Michael (impersonating Gabe)

Disposable cameras are fun, although it does seem wasteful and you don't ever get to see your pictures. If it's an important event, that you want to remember, I recommend using a real camera.


I was raised by wolfs. I was 25 years old before I saw my first human being. Wait, is it a full moon tonight? Awooooooo!


I talk a lot, so I've learned to just tune myself out.


I'm glad Michael's getting help. He has a lot of issues and he's stupid.


Michael: I know what you wanna ask me, did your mom ever see you naked?
Toby: We can do this with more privacy.
Michael: So you can molest me? Okay, I don't think so. We're gonna keep the blinds open so everyone can see what a big failure you are.

You are the worst. I hate looking at your face. I wanna smash it.

Michael (to Toby)

Dwight: I see you found our magical toy box Jim.
Jim: These are actually forks and knives from the break room.
Dwight: Jim (laughs), to you and me maybe, but come on. To a child's imagination, that's Mr. Fork and Lieutenant Knife...and Miss Fork.

Now that I own the building I've been looking for new sources of revenue...and a daycare center? Woohahahaha. Well I guess it's not an evil idea, it's just a regular idea, but there's no good laugh for a regular idea.

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