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Who started the rumor that there is another person inside of me ... WORKING ME WITH CONTROLS??!

Kevin

Michael: You'll never guess what I know.
Dwight: [typing] Ok. Let me finish this thought.
Michael: Eric likes Megan!
Dwight: He most definitely does. He's been asking her out repeatedly for weeks. She finally said yes. They went on a group date the other night, apparently it went very well.
Michael: How do you know this?
Dwight: People tell me things. I guess I have a face you can trust. I think it's because of my low cheekbones.

This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. Twice before actually. Just a weird coincidence. A little too weird. Almost makes you wonder if it's not a coincidence at all! Whoa! Which it is, of course. But it makes you wonder.

Andy

How do you untell something? You can't. You can't put words back in your mouth. What you can do, is spread false gossip... so people think that everything that's been said is untrue. Include that Stanley is having an affair. It's like the end of Spartacus. I have seen that movie half a dozen times and I still don't know who the real Spartacus is. And that is what makes that movie a classic whodunnit.

Michael

This is parkour. Internet sensation of 2004. And it was in one of the Bond films. It's pretty impressive. The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible so technically they are doing parkour, as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital.

Jim

This is the last day of our summer interns. It's been nice. We haven't had interns in a while. Ever since Michael's Monica Lewinsky incident. He didn't do anything sexual, he just made far, far too many Monica Lewinsky jokes. It was just easier for Corporate to shut down the program.

Pam

Erin: Kelly has an eating disorder?
Michael: Yes.
Erin: She always eats my lunch.
Michael: Anorexia. She's an anorexitic.
Erin: We should do something.
Michael: Nothing can be done. We just have to tell everybody and hope for the best I guess.

Michael: Hey Stanley, where you going big guy? Up to no good?
Stanley: I'm meeting a client, do you have a problem with that?
Michael: No, no, no, no. I just had a quick question for you, I am casting a movie and I'm looking for a woman who can dance, a beautiful woman. Do you know anybody?
Stanley: Goodbye.
Michael: Oh my God! Wait a second, do people often say they're going on sales calls and then go someplace else? Because that's not cool.

If somebody doesn't tell me I'm going to start screaming.

Michael

I hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team... or being picked for a team and then showing up and realizing the team doesn't exist. Or that the sport doesn't exist! I should've known. "Poop ball?"

Michael

Pam: We haven't told anyone that I'm pregnant.
Jim: Well with her being unmarried. Knocked up by some guy... The yackety yacks in this office would have a field day.
Pam: And we don't want them at the wedding thinking Jim's being marched down the aisle by my dad with a shotgun.
Jim: Wait there's not going to be a shotgun?

Intern: Is there anything else I can do?
Dwight: Yes, um... See those files behind Kevin's desk?
Intern: Mm-hmm?
Dwight: Go put them in random order.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 22 in total

The Office Season 6 Episode 1 Quotes

I hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team... or being picked for a team and then showing up and realizing the team doesn't exist. Or that the sport doesn't exist! I should've known. "Poop ball?"

Michael

Jim: You gotta figure this out.
Andy: How?
Jim: Have sex with a woman.
Andy: Oh, yeah!
Jim: Then a man. Then compare.

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