Kevin: Michael, did you just throw up in here?
Michael: Nah. Just poopin'. You know how I be.
Kevin: It smells like throw-up in here.
Michael: Crazy world. Lot of smells.

You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms as human scarecrows. Although it doesn't pay much, and you can't unionize.

Dwight

Dwight: [reading email] I'm sure you've seen the item in the Journal. I just want to stress that it's all conjecture, if we have any concrete information, you will know ASAP.
Michael: Erin, do we have the journal?
Erin: Your feelings journal? You told me to put it in the time capsule.
Michael: Did you?
Pam: He means the Wall Street Journal, online.
Michael. Oh, the Wall.

Dwight: Michael, what is the meaning of this email that everyone got?
Michael: You'll have to be more specific, Dwight. I get like eight emails today.

Once a year Dwight holds a seminar for us on karate. Because one thing we know that thousand-year-old martial arts do each year is ... change.

Jim

You cannot go wrong with a throat punch.

Dwight

Dwight: Somebody attack me. Kevin, Go!
Kevin: No WAY. Last time, you pulled my pants down and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace.
Dwight: False. I DID choke you with your shoelace.

Jim: In everyone's defense I think the most worthy opponent of you is ... you.
Dwight: That is correct. Unless there happen to be measles present.

The Office Season 6 Episode 10 Quotes

[in accent] There has been a lot of murder and a lot of intrigue. My poor little heart can barely take it no more. [regular voice] Today is the hardest I have worked in a long, long time.

Michael

Dwight: Somebody attack me. Kevin, Go!
Kevin: No WAY. Last time, you pulled my pants down and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace.
Dwight: False. I DID choke you with your shoelace.