Michael: Should I bring a dictionary?
Oscar: The hospital will provide dictionaries. Bring a thesaurus.

Michael: Is it midnight yet?
Phyllis: It's 4:35.

Pam: Don't be mad.
Jim: Mad? How could I be mad? We're having a little girl.

Kevin: Maybe we should cut holes in her shirt.
Meredith: I have a shirt like that in my car.

No one touch Pam's nipples! Think of Pam's nipples as Toby's grundle.


Phyllis: I can put on lipstick the way Molly Ringwald does in The Breakfast Club.
Michael: I don't think anyone wants to see that.

Pam, you are a woman warrior.


I'm sort of a master of distraction. When I was a kid, my mom received complaints left and right from my teachers that I would distract everyone around me.


Speaking as a former baby, don't get too hung up on baby names.


We're calling an audible. That's her call because she's the quarterback. I'm just the left tackle... who happened to get her pregnant.


Bear my child. I wanna have a child for business reasons and I want you to be the mother. If you agree, say nothing. If you disagree, say anything.

Dwight [to Angela]

Jim: [The baby] wasn't conceived here. Burning Man. Port-o-potty!
Michael: Yuck! TMI! How was it? Tell me later.

The Office Season 6 Episode 17 Quotes

I'm been noticing a gaping hole in my life. Sometimes, I wake up cradling a gourd.


You cannot exploit your baby for sales.