I'm sorry I called you a pain in the ass. I'm angry and I love you.

Michael

If doing "The Scarn" is gay, then I'm the biggest queer on earth!"

Todd Packer

Goldenface: Sorry about your friend, Scarn.
Michael Scarn: The joke's on you, Goldenface. That man's a wanted animal rapist.

I did not love the dialogue. Or the character. I took the role to impress the receptionist who will remain nameless.

Jim

(as Goldenface) Oh someone's coming alright.. the only man who would care - Michael Scarn. See I'm gonna lure him here and I'm gonna kill everybody then I'm gonna dig up Scarn's dead wife and I'm gonna hump her real good. Hahahaha!

Jim

I gave up a lot of weekends because I thought it would be good for my daughter to see a black man as president, even in a silly home movie. What a stupid waste of time.

Darryl

Holly: I'm sorry, it is good.
Michael: No, it's not. It's not, but they really seem to be enjoying it.

I am a huge Woody Allen fan, although I've only seen Antz.

Michael

Michael: I have my book on business, Somehow I Manage. I have my HBO comedy special, Here I Go Again...But you know what? When I think about it, when I really think about it, none of those things are as real to me as my movie.
Holly: I'm real.
Michael: Yeahhh, you're a real pain in the ass.

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