The Office Season 5 Episode 21: "Two Weeks" Quotes
Charles: So, we had a personnel change today. Shouldn't effect our day to day. But, until we get a new receptionist I want Kevin on the phones.
Kevin: Phones?
Charles: Also, there has been too much wasted time. So Stanley.
Stanley: Yes.
Charles: Yeah, I want you to be on top of that okay? I want you to be my productivity czar. Okay, good. Uh, okay that it on my list. So uh, you know, no excuses guys. Lets get going okay?
Pam: Oh no.
Jim: What?
Pam: I'm going with him.
Jim: What? Pam!
Pam: I'm going.
Jim: Pam! You can't be serious.
Pam: Michael, wait! I'm coming with you.
Michael: You are?
Pam: Yeah.
Michael: Okay. It's going to be great.
Pam: Great. Uh, except, I don't want to be a receptionist anymore.
Michael: Right... Executive assistant.
Pam: Salesman.
Michael: Alright, okay. Deal! Okay, well... Jim?
Jim: Still no.
Michael: Okay, Okay, we don't have much time. Just act normal. Don't look at me people. Stop. Don't look down. Don't look down. He's going to see me. Don't look all the way up. Keep it at a normal height. Okay. This is not Michael Scott talking right now, this is your future. Hello, I am your future. You're older, and you are very happy now. Because you went with Michael Scott. Right. So everybody come on down. Lets just crawl out of here together. Alright? Come on! Are you, are you doing your best here? Are you being the best that you can be? Alright. Everybody who's going to go with me I want you to stomp your foot. Okay, alright. Come on. You're coming with me. Come on Phyllis. Here we go, here we go!
Charles: Michael get up!
Michael: Oh God... okay alright. It's time to go it's time to go. Jim, let's go. Come on!
Charles: Michael, what are you doing?
Michael: I think maybe Hank should be here.
Charles: Hank? No, I don't need Hank Michael.
Kevin: Michael, why is it that you asked everyone except me, Angela, Creed, and Meredith?
Michael: I was going to, I wanted to. But I had to start somewhere.
Kevin: But you didn't want to start with us?
Michael: No, of course not. But now I want everybody. Jim! Jim? Buddy, Hey! Buddy, Jimbo? Did you have time to think about my offer?
Jim: I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else.
Michael: So which way are you leaning?
Jim: Well it is tempting but I am 100% leaning towards something else.
Michael: Thanks Jim.
Michael is like a movie on a plane. You know, it's not great, but it's something to watch. And when it's over you're like... how much time is left on this flight? Now what?
Toby
Andy: The whole office feels darker, you know? It's just a sad dark day.
Phyllis: Andy, he's gone.
Andy: I know.
Phyllis: You don't have to kiss his ass anymore.
And just like that. As mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone.
Oscar
I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He's a good guy. And he's super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He's all the way over there.
Kevin
Charles: Hey Hank, You ready?
Hank: Yeah.
Charles: Okay, Michael?
Michael: Hmm?
Charles: I can't pretend I haven't seen that. So I am going e to ask you to stand up, walk out. And you can't take anything.
Michael: Okay, I have immunity. It's my two-weeks...
Charles: Not if you're starting your own paper company, Michael. Hank...
Hank: Okay Michael.
Michael: Hank? You really think Hank is going to be loyal to you? Hank, please escort Charles from the building.
Hank: Come on man, let's go.
I did it. I learned everything about this machine. I know all the buttons, even the inside ones. I know all the error messages. I could do a bound book, in plastic with offset colors. Which feels...
Pam
You know what. I had a great time at prom. And no one said 'Yes' to that either.
Michael
Michael: [from inside the restroom] Stanley?
Stanley: Can't you see I'm urinating?
Michael: Listen, Listen, Stanley. You don't have to answer me now.
Stanley: No.
Michael: Just... I want you to think about it, I'm starting my own company.
Stanley: No.
Michael: Oh... okay, you're not letting me finish, and you just lost out on a million dollars.
Stanley: No I didn't.
