The Office

The Office Season 3 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 3 Episode 21: "Women's Appreciation"

Michael: There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me, I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV, I wished for Pam to gain courage, I wished for Angela a heart, and for Kelly a brain...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: I know what you're thinking. Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam, you can draw, kind of, why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community.
Pam: Phallus?
Dwight: Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 20: "Product Recall"

Michael: Five, four, three. "There is no way, I will resign. It wouldn't be fair. Not to the good workers I work with, not to my clients, and especially not to me. Let's not forget who this whole resigning business is about, anyway. If I could leave you with one thought, remember... it wasn't me. They're trying to make me an escape goat. If I am fired, I swear to God, that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F-word on it. The F-word. You have one day."
Pam: One day for what?
Michael: That's... they always give an ultimatum.
Pam: OK.
Michael: Good, cut?
Pam: Cut. That was your best apology video ever.
Michael: Thought so too.
 • Rating: Unrated

Creed: I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. She got fired because of Dwight. So I thought I'd pass around a goodbye card, maybe everyone could put in a couple of bucks to help her through these difficult times. Why do bad things always happen to the good people? It's tragic. Just tragic.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Creed: [to Dwight] Got a farewell card for Debbie Brown. I thought maybe you'd like to sign it. Maybe throw a couple of bucks in there for her. She's got some children.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: We gotta do something. This is spinning out of control, Pam. This is just, not...
Pam: It's just the Scranton Times...
Michael: No, then Newsweek picks it up. And then CNN does a story about it. Then... YouTube gets a hold of it...
Pam: You know what? I really think the whole thing is just gonna blow over in like a week or two.
Michael: You're right. It will blow over. But it's not... going to take... a week or two. [pulls out a video camcorder from his desk] Do you know what this is for?
Pam: Yes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: What... can I do, for you?
Barbara: I, for starters, I think that you should resign.
Michael: Well... [exhales] OK, well... Um, wasn't really my fault. The guys at the paper mill-
Barbara: You're the head-
Michael: The guys at the paper mill- No no no!
Barbara: You're the head of the company!
Michael: I'm the head of the company?!
Barbara: Yes, and that makes it your responsibility---
Michael: No, I'm a regional manager---
Barbara: And so you should lose your job!
Michael: No- my- OK, this is insane. You can get out of here. Get out!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doin' a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

School Official: The issue with the watermark is very serious.
Jim: Absolutely.
School Official: We teach our students that character counts.
Jim: And you should.
School Official: But-
Andy: Pfft. You don't teach it well enough. One of your students is a bitch.
Jim: Andy... is having a real rough day today.
Andy: I want to take out an ad, in your yearbook. A full page, two words-
Jim: "Good luck."
Andy: That's not what I had in mind.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Mrs. Allen is our most important client... because every client is our most important client. Even though she's a pretty unimportant client, really.
 • Rating: Unrated

Creed: When I went over Wednesday, for the spot-check, I got a call from Debbie Brown, saying she has an emergency dentist appointment.
Dwight: Emergency dentist appointment.
Creed: Now I'm told she told her manager she had the flu. I'm a trusting guy, but uh, I just wish Debbie Brown had been there. We would have caught this.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: First rule in road-side beet sales: Put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, "Wow, I need this beet right now." Those are the money beets.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Whoa! What the--- Why is my girlfriend here?
Jim: Oh, is she that teacher in the white?
Andy: No, she's a part-time frozen yogurt chef.
Jim: Which one... is she?
Andy: The one in the green hoodie.
Jim: Wow.
Andy: I wonder if she's, like, a... a guidance counselor, or something?
Jim: No, I don't think so.
Andy: She's like, probably a tutor.
Jim: Nope.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: So, Tuna. When we get in there, let's do a really good job, okay?
Jim: Did that really need to be said?
Andy: Well not everything a guy says needs to be said. Sometimes it's just about the music of the conversation.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Nice. Check out this sunshine, man. Global warming, right? Today was supposed to be really cold, I bet.
Jim: What about music? Do you have any music?
Andy: Uh, yeah. Should have said so. [sings] Rha-dah-dah-dah! Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away-he-hay. Ruu-da-doo-da-doo, ba-dit-da-doo-da-dun, Give me the beat, boys, and free my little-ole-soul, I wa--
Jim: I was thinkin' about more like a CD, or... a CD.
Andy: Your call, dude. My girlfriend made an awesome mix. Beer me that disc.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kelly: Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what? From now on, you guys are no longer losers! So give yourselves a round of applause.
Oscar: I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer calls.
Kelly: I know, right? Probably a lot.
 • Rating: Unrated

Creed: The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did... when I was a homeless man.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Creed: Yes, hello. Creed Bratton, Quality Assurance, Dunder Mifflin Scranton. I was supposed to meet with one of your floor managers last week for a quality inspection, and he or she wasn't there. And I'm trying to remember who it was. Mm-hmm. Who wasn't there last week? Debbie Brown. And which day was that? Wednesday, the eleventh. Perfect.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: I have invited Barbara Allen, one of our oldest clients, to come in here, and meet with me, for a personal apology. The press wants a story, I will give them a story.
Jim: Oh, did the press ask for a story?
Michael: Here is your headline. "Scranton Area Paper Company, Dunder Mifflin, apologizes to valued client. Some companies still know how business is done." Okay? Battle stations everybody, let's go, go, go, go, go, go!
 • Rating: Unrated

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