Michael: What... can I do, for you?
Barbara: I, for starters, I think that you should resign.
Michael: Well... [exhales] OK, well... Um, wasn't really my fault. The guys at the paper mill-
Barbara: You're the head-
Michael: The guys at the paper mill- No no no!
Barbara: You're the head of the company!
Michael: I'm the head of the company?!
Barbara: Yes, and that makes it your responsibility---
Michael: No, I'm a regional manager---
Barbara: And so you should lose your job!
Michael: No- my- OK, this is insane. You can get out of here. Get out!

I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doin' a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.

Dwight

School Official: The issue with the watermark is very serious.
Jim: Absolutely.
School Official: We teach our students that character counts.
Jim: And you should.
School Official: But-
Andy: Pfft. You don't teach it well enough. One of your students is a bitch.
Jim: Andy... is having a real rough day today.
Andy: I want to take out an ad, in your yearbook. A full page, two words-
Jim: "Good luck."
Andy: That's not what I had in mind.

Mrs. Allen is our most important client... because every client is our most important client. Even though she's a pretty unimportant client, really.

Michael

Creed: When I went over Wednesday, for the spot-check, I got a call from Debbie Brown, saying she has an emergency dentist appointment.
Dwight: Emergency dentist appointment.
Creed: Now I'm told she told her manager she had the flu. I'm a trusting guy, but uh, I just wish Debbie Brown had been there. We would have caught this.

Dwight: First rule in road-side beet sales: Put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, "Wow, I need this beet right now." Those are the money beets.

Andy: Whoa! What the--- Why is my girlfriend here?
Jim: Oh, is she that teacher in the white?
Andy: No, she's a part-time frozen yogurt chef.
Jim: Which one... is she?
Andy: The one in the green hoodie.
Jim: Wow.
Andy: I wonder if she's, like, a... a guidance counselor, or something?
Jim: No, I don't think so.
Andy: She's like, probably a tutor.
Jim: Nope.

Andy: So, Tuna. When we get in there, let's do a really good job, okay?
Jim: Did that really need to be said?
Andy: Well not everything a guy says needs to be said. Sometimes it's just about the music of the conversation.

Andy: Nice. Check out this sunshine, man. Global warming, right? Today was supposed to be really cold, I bet.
Jim: What about music? Do you have any music?
Andy: Uh, yeah. Should have said so. [sings] Rha-dah-dah-dah! Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away-he-hay. Ruu-da-doo-da-doo, ba-dit-da-doo-da-dun, Give me the beat, boys, and free my little-ole-soul, I wa--
Jim: I was thinkin' about more like a CD, or... a CD.
Andy: Your call, dude. My girlfriend made an awesome mix. Beer me that disc.

Displaying quotes 28 - 36 of 364 in total