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Kelly: Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what? From now on, you guys are no longer losers! So give yourselves a round of applause.
Oscar: I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer calls.
Kelly: I know, right? Probably a lot.
- Permalink: Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is beca...
The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did... when I was a homeless man.Creed
- Permalink: The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I...
Yes, hello. Creed Bratton, Quality Assurance, Dunder Mifflin Scranton. I was supposed to meet with one of your floor managers last week for a quality inspection, and he or she wasn't there. And I'm trying to remember who it was. Mm-hmm. Who wasn't there last week? Debbie Brown. And which day was that? Wednesday, the eleventh. Perfect.Creed
- Permalink: Yes, hello. Creed Bratton, Quality Assurance, Dunder Mifflin Scr...
Michael: I have invited Barbara Allen, one of our oldest clients, to come in here, and meet with me, for a personal apology. The press wants a story, I will give them a story.
Jim: Oh, did the press ask for a story?
Michael: Here is your headline. "Scranton Area Paper Company, Dunder Mifflin, apologizes to valued client. Some companies still know how business is done." Okay? Battle stations everybody, let's go, go, go, go, go, go!
- Permalink: I have invited Barbara Allen, one of our oldest clients, to come...
Here's the thing. When a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media, and then you control the story. Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. That's what happened to O.J.Michael
- Permalink: Here's the thing. When a company screws up, best thing to do is ...
Michael: Jim, big fire in your house. Your client, Dunmore High-school, sent out their prom invitations on this paper. Went home to all the kids.
Jim: Yeah, I gotta call out on that.
Michael: No, no, no, no. Not good enough. This is a keystone account. I want you in the school. In person.
Jim: All right.
Michael: I want you to bring a partner.
Ryan: I'll go.
Michael: No, sweet cheeks. We need someone who's actually made a sale. Andy, you go.
Andy: William Dolittle at your service. A.K.A., Will Do.
Jim: Yeah, I'm definitely gonna go alone.
- Permalink: Jim, big fire in your house. Your client, Dunmore High-school, s...
This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This day is bananas! B-A-N-A-Kelly
- Permalink: This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This day is bananas! B-A-N-A...
Michael: We have a lot of angry customers out there. This puts us at threat level midnight. Accounting, you are on customer service duty today.
Oscar: That's really not our job.
Michael: Midnight, Oscar! Don't worry, Kelly will be training you first.
Angela: Kelly's training us?
- Permalink: We have a lot of angry customers out there. This puts us at thre...
Michael: Where is Creed?
Michael: Creed. Quality assurance. Your job. I really think you screwed the pooch on one, Creed. Because of you, the entire company is in jeopardy.
- Permalink: Where is Creed? Here. Creed. Quality assurance. Your job. I ...
We have a crisis. Apparently, a disgruntled employee at the paper mill decided that it would be funny to put an obscene watermark on our 24 pound cream butter stock. Five hundred boxes has gone out, with the image of a beloved cartoon duck, performing... unspeakable acts upon a certain cartoon mouse that a lot of people like. I've never been a fan.Michael
- Permalink: We have a crisis. Apparently, a disgruntled employee at the pape...
Dwight: You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, so I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim: ... MICHAEL!
Dwight: Oh, that's funny. MICHAEL!
- Permalink: You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, s...
Andy: Beer me!
Jim: What's that?
Andy: Hand me that water. I always say, "Beer me." Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time.
Jim: Lord, beer me strength.
- Permalink: Beer me! What's that? Hand me that water. I always say, Beer...