I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted.

Kevin

What happens to a company if somebody takes a boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It's like, what happens to a chicken when you take its head away? It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head.

Michael

There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me, I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV, I wished for Pam to gain courage, I wished for Angela a heart, and for Kelly a brain...

Michael

Dwight: I know what you're thinking. Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam, you can draw, kind of, why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community.
Pam: Phallus?
Dwight: Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain.

I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.

Dwight

Michael: Five, four, three. "There is no way, I will resign. It wouldn't be fair. Not to the good workers I work with, not to my clients, and especially not to me. Let's not forget who this whole resigning business is about, anyway. If I could leave you with one thought, remember... it wasn't me. They're trying to make me an escape goat. If I am fired, I swear to God, that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F-word on it. The F-word. You have one day."
Pam: One day for what?
Michael: That's... they always give an ultimatum.
Pam: OK.
Michael: Good, cut?
Pam: Cut. That was your best apology video ever.
Michael: Thought so too.

I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. She got fired because of Dwight. So I thought I'd pass around a goodbye card, maybe everyone could put in a couple of bucks to help her through these difficult times. Why do bad things always happen to the good people? It's tragic. Just tragic.

Creed

[to Dwight] Got a farewell card for Debbie Brown. I thought maybe you'd like to sign it. Maybe throw a couple of bucks in there for her. She's got some children.

Creed

Michael: We gotta do something. This is spinning out of control, Pam. This is just, not...
Pam: It's just the Scranton Times...
Michael: No, then Newsweek picks it up. And then CNN does a story about it. Then... YouTube gets a hold of it...
Pam: You know what? I really think the whole thing is just gonna blow over in like a week or two.
Michael: You're right. It will blow over. But it's not... going to take... a week or two. [pulls out a video camcorder from his desk] Do you know what this is for?
Pam: Yes.

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