The Office

The Office Season 3 Quotes (Page 8)

Season 3 Episode 15: "Phyllis' Wedding"

Priest: And do you, Phyllis, take Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Phyllis: I do.
Michael: Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance!
Priest: And do you, Bob-
Michael: Oh, shi-
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: This strappy young lad sitting here is Phyllis' father, Albert, and he is quite the ladies' man, aren't you Albert, hah? Ah, ringbearer. I could have done better. I will do better. I am going to be better. I can't believe I'm actually doing this! Ooh! Are you ready for this, Albert? I am. Let's do it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kelly: Could you scoot over? You're on my dress.
Meredith: I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding.
Kelly: I know but there was an emergency.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: You might be surprised to learn that I've only been to one other wedding. It's actually a very cute story. My Mom was marrying Jeff. And they asked me to be ring bearer. I was understandably emotional and somehow my pants became wet.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: Those flowers are nice.
Karen: Yeah. P and R?
Jim: Phyllis and Robert.
Karen: Ah, of course.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: Damn, lost another file. Going to have to reboot. Again. Hey, Dwight, do you want an Altoid?
Dwight: What do you think?
 • Rating: Unrated

Kelly: Are you all right? This must be so awful for you.
Pam: What do you mean?
Kelly: Well, this was supposed to be your wedding.
Pam: Oh, um, no, that's, um, it's actually fine.
Kelly: There's no way it's fine, I'm sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out, and get really drunk, and then tell someone I was pregnant.
Pam: Okay, that's a lot of good ideas. Thanks.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: I saw "Wedding Crashers" accidentally. I bought a ticket for "Grizzly Man" and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. Cause that's the thing about bear attacks... they come when you least expect it.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 14: "Ben Franklin"

Michael: So you don't want to end our relationship?
Jan: I'm closer to firing you.
Michael: That is so sweet. You are the best GD girlfriend in the world. Do you know that?
Jan: I'll talk to you later.
Michael: You are. You are.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elizabeth: Oh my God, I would get so fat if I worked here.
Pam: Yeah? I lose my appetite all the time.
Elizabeth: You could strip you know.
Pam: Thanks.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elizabeth: So where's the groom?
Michael: He's right there. There he is.
Bob Vance: Absolutely not. That's all you. That's all you.
Michael: Okay. Alright, I'll do it. Yeah. Lets do it. Lets do this thing. Yeah. What do I?
Elizabeth: Just sit on down.
Michael: Alright.
Elizabeth: Alright.
Michael: Okay.
Elizabeth: Here we go.
Michael: Here we go. Alright!
Elizabeth: Yeah!
Michael: Not bad! Not bad! You smell nice. Like Tide.
Elizabeth: Mmm, what's that?
Michael: You smell like Tide detergent. Do you use Tide detergent?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jim: Michael referred me to a male strip club called Banana Slings. Instead, I called the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania.
 • Rating: 3.3 / 5.0

Ryan: He hasn't even said a word yet. Just giggling.
Michael: [Pokes Ryan with a sex toy] Gotcha, oh! [Phone rings] Yes?
Jim: Are you okay?
Michael: I'm in the, I'm in the sex shop.
Jim: Ah, gotcha.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Ruddy cheeks, thick calves, no tats, no moles, no tats. No, TATS. Of course I want-
Jim: Stop. That's disgusting.
Dwight: Leave me alone and get the male stripper.
Jim: Fine.
Dwight: I knew you would, Nancy.
Jim: Sally.
Dwight: No preference, what do you think redhead or brunette?
Jim: Blonde.
Dwight: Nice. Do you have any blonde women?
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Michael: Okay. We are off. Ryan and I are going to go get some supplies and I need you to handle hiring the strippers.
Jim: Absolutely not.
Dwight: I'm on it.
Michael: Well get on it. And make it happen.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: Hey.
Jim: Hey.
Pam: Ugh.
Jim: Ugh.
Pam: Everything okay?
Jim: Oh yeah. Why?
Pam: Well you seem a little tired.
Jim: Oh. Yeah well, I guess there's been a couple late nights. Karen and I have been up talking.
Pam: You should get more sleep.
Jim: Yeah, I know I should.
Pam: Never underestimate the power of a good night's sleep.
Jim: No, I'm sure you're right.
Pam: When I get eight hours, compared to like six hours, like, big difference.
Jim: Really?
Pam: Oh yeah. Gotta get your REM cycle going with the whole sleeping. Better than not.
Jim: Good advice Beesley. Thanks. See you out there.
Pam: Yeah. Don't fall asleep at your desk.
 • Rating: Unrated

Packer: Halpert! Tall, queer, handsome as ever. Hey everybody it's me, Jim. Hello, hello. Todd Packer.
Karen: Karen Fillipelli. Jim's girlfriend.
Packer: Shut up!
Karen: Yep.
Packer: Shut it!
Karen: That's rude.
Packer: Either this chick is a dude or Halpert got scared straight!
Michael: Yes. Yes! Oh! There-oh! [Clutches chest and falls to the floor]
Packer: What happened?
Michael: Oh God-
Packer: Quick somebody help! Help the man! [Pretends to kick Michael]
Michael: No, no, no!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Pam: Something's up with Jim and Karen. Not that I've been eavesdropping. It's not really any of my business, but I've gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck.
 • Rating: Unrated

Karen: I guess Jim and I have had a little bit of a rough patch for the past couple weeks but we had some really good talks and actually now I think that we're better than ever.
[cut to Jim]
Jim: Karen and I had a long talk last night and the night before that and uh, every night, for the last five nights.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: And remember no matter what, I will always love you.
Dwight: What if he's a murderer?
Michael: He's not going to be a murderer.
Dwight: Maybe that's how you die.
Michael: You know what, Dwight, do you want to do this, or no?
Dwight: I want to do this.
Michael: Okay. From the top. Ready? Three-
Dwight: Action.
 • Rating: Unrated

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