Jim: Michael had chicken potpie for lunch. Actually, let me rephrase that, Michael had an entire chicken pot pie for lunch, and- let me be more specific. Michael ate an entire family-sized chicken potpie for lunch and then he promptly fell asleep, so we're all trying to be very quiet so as to not wake him up before 5:00 pm. Which, actually, should be in about... ten minutes.

[phone rings] Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin... He's not available right now... Uh huh... Yes... Sure, I'll give him the message when he gets up... gets back.

Erin

I love the smell of bacon on a woman.

Kevin

Andy: Yeah. No. Well, ok.
Kelly: Stop squirming.
Andy: Well, stop trying to poke me with a sharp thing.
Kelly: You wanted to do this. Just be brave.
Andy: I, I - but you're not a professional and I'm thinking maybe we should have gone to a professional.
Kelly: I'm doing it. No. I'm doing it for free. You have to stop squirming otherwise I'm gonna mess up.
Andy: Are you sure that's not the "gay" ear?
Kelly: Gay ear? Are you 12 years old?

Pam: This is so cheesy.
Jim: Yes.
Pam: I like cheesy.
Jim: Me, too.
Pam: Yeah. I think maybe I want a "wedding" wedding.
Jim: Me, too.
Pam: Really?
Jim: Yeah.

Michael: You guys are the best for coming. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I understand.
Jim: We're gonna stay.
Michael: Really?
Jim: Yeah. At least for one more dance.
Michael: Oh, no. Not me. Not me. Get out of here. Cafe Disco! [Dwight hits Michael in ear] Hey! Come on, man. It's not even to "Y."

Andy: This dance competition is not over.
Kelly: What dance competition? I was just dancin' casual with my friends, y'all.

Michael: Hey! Hey! Jim and Pam! Can you believe this? It's really happening.
Phyllis: Wanna dance, Dwight?
Dwight: Ordinarily I would say no but you need to move to reduce lactic acid build-up. Also, this song is fantastic.
Bob Vance: Mind if I steal my wife?
Dwight: You can't steal what is legally your property.
Bob Vance: Are those staples?

Michael: Hey! Hey! Angela, no! No cleaning up!
Angela: You are forcing me to be down here. Am I not allowed to have some fun?
Michael: No... cleaning... up.

Creed: Boss, this used to hang from my windshield but it belongs in here.
Michael: Hey, thank you, Creed. you're really getting this place.
Creed: No problem. I'll just have no idea who's driving behind me now.

Dwight: This is oil from the gland of an otter. It keeps their fur water resistant, as well as traps heat. Now I need you to lie still for an hour.
Phyllis: An hour? I can't stay here an hour.
Dwight: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, girl. Whoa. Whoa.

Phyllis: That feels good, Dwight.
Dwight: Tell me where it hurts.
Phylis: Right... mmmm... right there.
Dwight: Oh yeah. you've got a knot in your crest. This remedy has been passed down in my family for generations. and it always works. My grandfather was told that Diamond Dancer would never race again. they were wrong. He came in 9th in the Apple Creek Derby and his jerky came in 3rd the following year. A majestic beast. So fast. So tender.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 662 in total

The Office Season 5 Quotes

Dwight: Knock, knock.
Michael: Who's there?
Dwight: KGB.
Michael: KGB - [Dwight slaps Michael]
Dwight: [in Russian accent] We will ask the questions!

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was puke. I would chug a fifth of socos, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more soco, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight B's. They called me Buzz.

Andy
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