The Office

The Office Season 5 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 5 Episode 27: "Cafe Disco"

Dwight: You comfy? Alright? Alright. Relax. Relax, ok?
Phyllis: Dwight! Dwight!
Dwight: Come on. Relax. The shirt wasn't doing you any favors. If my assessment in correct, you grind your teeth?
Phyllis: I do.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: I guess they got what they want. I am eating alone. Might as well be dinner.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kelly: Cafe Disco? More like Crap-ay Disco.
Erin: You're bad.
 • Rating: Unrated

Oscar: What happened to Phyllis?
Michael: Oh, you know. Nohting. She's - we were hanging out at Cafe Disco and she had a flare up of am existing injury. But she's a tough, old bird. So...
Angela: Can you please go back to work instead of masterminding these situations were in we hurt ourselves?
Michael: Ok. Phyllis did injure herself. But she injured herself having fun and I don't think she would trade that memory for anything.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Oh, no. No. No. This is no good.
Dwight: Yeah. Back injuries are common. Not as common as knee injuries but more common than wrist injuries.
Michael: I don't need you to give me a history lesson. Ok?
Dwight: What do you think history is?
Michael: It's just, we need to get her out of here because no one is going to want to go in there with a woman writhing around on the floor. Wait, wait, wait. But most importantly we need to get her some medical attention. ASAP. Stat.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: Who tipped you over? Was it Phillip?
Phyllis: It's my back.
Michael: It's her back. We just - We need - Let's - You know what?
Phyllis: Call a doctor.
Michael: We're going to take care of you. We're gonna get you help. Let's - come on.
Phyllis: No. Call Bob.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Andy: [Michael is holding the stereo speaker up to a vent - blaring "[Gonna Make You Sweat] Everybody Dance Now", spins in chair] Oww!
Phyllis: Aw, what the hell? [goes to Vance Refrigeration] Hi, Jessica. Is Bob in?
Jessica: Oh, he's on a call.
Phyllis: Oh, I'll just duck my head in.
Jessica: It's pretty important. He wouldn't want to be disturbed. Can I give him a message before he gets off?
Phyllis: Tell him I'm going dancing downstairs in the storage closet between the bathrooms that used to be a utility shower and he should join me there.
Jessica: I'll let him know.
Phyllis: Mmm-hmm.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Now I know what the founders of Phillip-Morris felt like. you just want to give people a smooth, fun way to relax and suddenly you're just some terrible monster.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Angela: Come on, right now.
Michael: Cookie. Kevin, cookie.
Angela: Ugh. There is no cookie, Kevin.
Kevin: [to Michael] Is there a cookie?
Michael: Mmm-hmm.
Angela: Wha -
Michael: Come on.
Angela: Oh, for goodness sakes, Kevin. There's no cookie. There's no cookie. Come on. Come.
Kevin: I wanted a cookie.
Angela: Completely unacceptable.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: I've taken my downstairs office and I have turned it into a place to hang out. A place where unattractive and attractive people can get together. To meet. To greet. To see the ones that you love. To love the ones that you see.
Oscar: Is this our punishment for not wanting to have lunch with you?
Michael: Why don't you get over lunch, Oscar? Everybody else is past it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Daddy's here for you. My wittle angels. Ok. I think that I have figured a way to get you guys out of your funk.
Pam: What?
Michael: Funk is the problem and the solution.
Jim: That makes sense.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Charles really did a number on these guys. They are way too focused on work. When I was in charge, this place was like Dave and Buster's People just hanging out, having, fun, eating apps. I don't know. It's like [pause] Dave died or something.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Guys, I believe that I have figured out what is up your butts. There's no reason to be scared. The bad man is gone. Charles is gone.
 • Rating: Unrated

Erin: Michael? Michael sorry to bother you. Are you going to be working down here? Do you want these down here now?
Michael: No work. No work. No work. I come in here to release frustration. Ooh. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ooh.
Erin: Well, I like to swim.
Michael: That's good.
Erin: You have a cool place to come hang.
Michael: If you ever want to come down here, door's always open, lock's broken, so...
Erin: Thanks.
Michael: Come on in. Hey, hey, hey. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah.
Erin: Wow.
Michael: Now you got it.
Erin: Now I do got it.
Michael: Now you got it. Hey, you want some espresso?
Erin: Oh, yeah.
Michael: You gotta keep yourself dehydrated.
Erin: That's rule #1.
Michael: Ok. I love it. I love it.
Erin: Whew.
Michael: I love it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: There are other reasons to go to Ohio.
Pam: We're getting married today.
Jim: So, it turns out it's the closest place to get a marriage license without a 3 day waiting period.
Pam: Tell 'em how it happened.
Jim: Ok. So, we're going through all the wedding plans and, boy, it is complicated.
Pam: And very expensive.
Jim: Very expensive. Cause you say you want a small wedding and that's great but then you have to invite -
Pam: You can't leave anyone out.
Jim: No one.
Pam: Ok, just get to the good part.
Jim: Ok. Right. Oh, so this morning we are having breakfast together and I just looked up from my cereal and I said, " You know what I want to do today? I want to marry you."
Pam: I had just woken up. I didn't look cute. That's how I knew he meant it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Erin: Hi, guys. How you doing?
Dwight: Erin, how many times do I have to tell you? It is not necessary for you to ask us how we are doing every time you interact with us.
Erin: Right. I'm sorry.
Dwight: [sighs] Now, how can I help you?
Erin: Did somebody here leave a map in the printer to Youngstown, Ohio?
Dwight: Attention, office. Who here is planning a trip to Youngstown, Ohio? I will take your silence to mean that you are all hiding something. This location is the Superior Court -
Pam: So someone is going to a court. Big deal.
Dwight: It is a big deal. Cause there's only a handful of reasons why someone would ever go to a courthouse in Ohio and not be charged with a crime. To claim an inheritance from a deceased relative. To obtain a learner's permit at age 14 and a half instead of 15. Erin, let me see your birth certificate.
Erin: Sure.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: If you don't take out his battery, he just keeps going all day.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Ok. Anyone? Anyone? At all? Accounting? I am accounting on you to go to lunch with me.
Angela: No. I don't want to stay late to have a two hour lunch.
Phyllis: Michael, we have a lot of work to do.
Michael: What?
Phyllis: Work.
Michael: Ugh! God! What happened to you people? [talking like a robot] We are just office drones. We are office drones. All we do is work... is work.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ryan: Now that I'm back to doing the job of a temp, again, I find that food is one thing I can control.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Who else? Who else? Ryan?
Ryan: I don't do lunch. I'm eating five small meals a day now.
 • Rating: Unrated

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