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Maude: Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables?
Todd: Hell no.
Maude: What did you say?
Todd: I said I don't want any damn vegetables.
Ned: Alright, that is it young man. No bible stories for you tonight.
(Todd runs to his room crying)
Maude: Weren't you a little hard on him?
Ned: Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.
- Permalink: Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables? Hell no. What ...
Jimmy: Hey, what gives?
Jimmy's Dad: You said you wanted to live in a world without zinc Jimmy. Well now your car has no battery.
Jimmy: But I promised Betty I'd pick her up by 6:00. I better give her a call.
Jimmy's Dad: Sorry Jimmy. Without zinc for the rotary mechanism, there are no telephones.
Jimmy: Dear God! What have I done?
(Jimmy pulls out a gun and points it to his head and fires)
Jimmy's Dad: Think again Jimmy. You see the firing pin in your gun was made out ofyepzinc.
Jimmy: Come back zinc, Come Back!!
- Permalink: Hey, what gives? You said you wanted to live in a world withou...
Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit.Woodrow
- Permalink: Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit.
Ned: I'm talking about your potty-mouth.
Homer: What the hell are you talking about?
- Permalink: I'm talking about your potty-mouth. What the hell are you talk...
Damn crappy nails! Superglue my butt!Homer
- Permalink: Damn crappy nails! Superglue my butt!
Ned: Is this all he watches?
Maude: Well, he used to watch Davey and Goliath, but he thought the idea of a talking dog was blasphemous.
- Permalink: Is this all he watches? Well, he used to watch Davey and Golia...
Ned: Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. My son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables.
Lovejoy: Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it, asparagus?
Ned: No, Reverend, the point is, he said a bad word!
Lovejoy: Oh, right, yeah. Well, kids usually pick these things stuff up from someplace. Find out who's doing it anddirect them to the Bible.
Ned: Where in the Bible?
Lovejoy: UhPage 900.
Ned: But Rev-- (Lovejoy hangs up)
Lovejoy: Damn Flanders.
- Permalink: Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizz...
Don't you worry about your wee fish, lass. They're goin' to a better place.Willy
(flushes them down the toilet)
- Permalink: Don't you worry about your wee fish, lass. They're goin' to a be...
Lisa: And any time I hear the wind blow, it will whisper the name: Edna.
Marge: Oh, that's very good, Lisa!
Homer: P.S. I am gay.
- Permalink: Edna. Oh, that's very good, Lisa! P.S. I am gay.
Oh, fudge. That's...broken. Fiddle dee dee. That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to...kick this dog house down!</i> Homer
Homer goes into a rage.)
- Permalink: Oh, fudge. That's...broken. Fiddle dee dee. That will require a ...
Homer: Hey Marge, you want to hear something funny? Flanders thinks I swear too much. Hee, hee, hee! Marge, you're not laughing.
Marge: Well, you know, maybe he's right.
Homer: What a surprise. Marge sticks up for Flanders. Can we have one conversation where you don't bring up your hero Ned Flanders?
Marge: Actually Homer, you brought up Ned Flanders.
- Permalink: Hey Marge, you want to hear something funny? Flanders thinks I s...
Ned: I just wish you wouldn't curse in front of my boys!
Homer: Oh, come on, now, Flanders! I don't complain about yourmoustache!
Ned: What's wrong with my moustache?
Homer: It makes you look like you've got something to hide.
Homer: People are talking. Lots of people.
Ned: Okay, mister. You've got yourself a deal. I'll shave off the soup strainer if you give the sailor talk the ol' heave-ho. Okay?
Homer: Aye aye! Admiral Butthead.
- Permalink: I just wish you wouldn't curse in front of my boys! Oh, come o...