The Simpsons

The Simpsons "Bart the Murderer" Quotes

Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?
Bart: No.
Fat Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh uh.
Fat Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like...cigarettes?
Bart: I guess that's okay.
Fat Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: Hell, no!
Fat Tony: Enjoy your gift.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer, and I am the...um...What cures cancer?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Hey, look what I got, a genuine official police badge! "Calling all cars! Come out with your hands up!" Heh heh heh.
Bart: Hey, that's my badge, Homer!
Homer: That's Officer Homer, hee hee!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Bart!? Have you started smoking?
Bart: No!
Homer: Don't lie to me boy. Uh huh, cigarettes, just as I thought.
Bart: But they're not mine, my boss said his warehouse was full!
Homer: Yeah right, son, I'm going to teach you a lesson! I'm going to stand here and watch you smoke every one of those cigarettes!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jack Larson: Folks, I'm pleased to announce a new truckload of Laramies with their smooth good taste and rich tobacco flavor is already heading towards Springfield and the driver has been instructed to ignore all stop signs and crosswalks.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: More stink lines boys...
Skinner: What's this? What are you boys doing?
Bart: (yawn) You didn't see nothing, now beat it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lady: Some large men to see you, sir.
Skinner: Uh, I don't have an appointment with any large men...
Fat Tony: Are you Skinner?
Skinner: I'm Principal Skinner, yes! And how may I ask did you get past the hall monitors?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lionel Hutz: Mr Simpson, you've been the boys father for ten years, do you really think he could be the leader of a murderous criminal syndicate?
Homer: Well not the leader, I mean... Oh it's true it's true, all the pieces fit!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: You ate my homework? I didn't know dogs really did that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mrs. Krabappel: Bart Simpson, you're late. Go fill out a tardy slip.
Bart: But I'm only five... (looks at clock) ten, twenty... forty minutes? That's pretty damn late!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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