Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX

Chief Wiggum: Who are you, the rules police?
Lou: No, we are the police police.

Marge: Bart Simpson, are you a druggo?
Bart: No! Not until you raise my allowance.

Chief Wiggum: I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Cops don't have a lot of friends. Civilians are afraid of us and other cops just remind of us things we want to forget. That's why your friendship is so special to me.
Homer: Chief, me too.
Snake: Umm, you know I've been back here for like ten hours. Any chance of a bathroom break?
Chief Wiggum: Thanks a lot jail bird. Now I have you on burglary and killing a moment.

Chalmers: We have reason to believe your son has been dealing drugs.
Marge: Dealing drugs? That's impossible, he doesn't have the math skills.
Chalmers: Marge, I know you've tried everything to keep Bart under control. Ritalin, Lithium, Zoloft. Well they didn't work, he has moved on to drugs.

Bart: How'd a pull up like you get a great card like that?
Ralph: My not-dead grandma sent it from Tokyo.
Bart: Ralph, I will play you for that card.
Ralph: Okay, but if I win, you'll have to teach me how to play this game

That's drug talk. But I could be mistaken. Just let me listen to a little more out of context.


Chief Wiggum: Hey, what you packing, Simpson?
Homer: Just my lunch. Chicken parm, meatball parn, eggplant parm, shishka parm, angel hair parm, moo goo gai parm. My wife can parm anything.
Chief Wiggum: My wife only parms on my birthday and that's only if I give her the sad puppy dog look.

Homer: Community service? But that's work! What about jail?
Judge: Community service!
Homer: No, I want to go to jail. Free food, tear drop tattoos, library books that come to you. I'll serve anything but the community!

Bart: I don't even remember if Dylan is a boy or girl.
Marge: Of course, you do. Dylan is a ... let me check the invitation, fish theme, that tells me nothing!

Displaying all 9 quotes