The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 3 Episode 20: "Colonel Homer" Quotes
Redneck 1: Hey you, let's fight.
Redneck 2: Them's fightin' words!
Homer: Oh no, I went to this bar the other night and the.
Moe: Hey, wawait a minute. You went to another bar?
Homer: Moe, I was 100 miles out of town!
Moe: Oh Homer...
Lurleen's Song: That's why you flipped your pickup truck, right off the interstate!
Homer: That's right (fast) except for the pickup truck.
Guy: Lets give a big country welcome to Yodeling Zeek!
Audience: *applause*
Zeek: Yodel-e-hee, yodel-e-i-hee, odel-e-hee.
Homer: I'm going now, and I don't know when you'll see me again
(he drives off, then comes back to drop Maggie off)
Lisa: I guess that executive stress ball we got him for Christmas isn't working.
Homer: I've heard how this ends, it turns out the secret code was the same nursery rhyme he told his daughter!
Audience: Oooh!
Homer: Hey, it's pretty obvious if you think about it!
Marge: Oh shut up Homer, no one wants to hear what you think!
Audience: Yeah! *applause*
Studio Owner: Ah, this studio has a lot of history, uh.. Buddy Holly stood on this spot in 1958 and said 'There is no way in hell that I'm going to record in this dump'
Homer: I'm sure Lurleen will love it!
Marge: Homer, how much did you just give that man!
Homer: Calm down Marge, it's just our life savings!
Hillbilly 1: I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.
Hillbilly 2: You bitter?
Hillbilly 1: Yeah, bit HIM too!
Homer: Is there any room in that bed for a dag-burn fool?
Marge: Always has been.
Marge, let's end this feudin' and a fussin' and get down to some lovin'.
They don't call me Colonel Homer because I'm some dumb-ass army guy.
Much as I hate that man right now, you gotta love that suit.
Bart
