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Marge: Don't worry. I have a secret weapon. One more deadly then any gun.
Bart: Lisa's face?
Marge: A phone tree.

Marge: Homer our son joined the army!
Homer: Yeah big deal. By the time Bart is eighteen we're gonna control the world We're China right?

Recruiter: We just want to talk to you about something near and dear to us.
Dolph: What? Being Gay.
Recruiter: Close. The ARMY.

Recruiter: Yo! I don't know which one I dig more Hip Hop, Crunk or serving my country.
Jimbo: Are you guys hitting on us?

Moe: Heh, heh. This is the first time I ever watered down my liquor!
Lenny: Moe, why are your eyes darting back and forth like that?

Homer: How would you like to be stacked naked in a pile and while a hillbilly girl points and laughs at you?
Cletus: That was our last Christmas card!

Private: Sir, you can't just invade an American city without authorization.
Colonel: Yes, I can. Congress slipped it into the National Broccoli Day proclamation.

Hey baby. Ya' like obstacle courses?


(Homer peers out of a manhole cover at oncoming tanks)
Homer: Bring it on chumps!
(Tank runs over the manhole he's peeping out of)
Homer: Oooh! Fingers, fingers fingers!

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