The Simpsons

The Simpsons "Life on the Fast Lane" Quotes

Lisa: Bart, I read about what happens to kids whose parents no longer love and cherish each other. They go through eight separate stages. Right now, I'm in Stage three, fear. You're in Stage two, denial.
Bart: No, I'm not.
Lisa: Yes, you are!
Bart: No, I'm not!
Lisa: Yes, you are!
Bart: I'm not! I'm not! Am not!
Lisa: I stand corrected.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Look, Dad. I don't know what's going on, but once you gave me some advice that might help.
Homer: I gave you advice? Get outta here.
Bart: Yeah, you did. You told me when something's bothering you and you're too damn stupid to know what to do, just keep your fool mouth shut. At least that way, you won't make things worse.
Homer: Hmm. Good advice.
 • Rating: Unrated

(At Marge's birthday party, Patty and Selma comment on Homer.)
Patty: Look at him wolf down that gristle.
Selma: Mm-hmm. It's an accident waiting to happen.
Patty: Do you know the Heimlich maneuver?
Selma: No.
Patty: Good.
 • Rating: Unrated

Helen: Marge? Marge Simpson. You remember me, don't you? I'm Helen Lovejoy, the gossipy wife of the minister.
Marge: Oh, yes. Hello, Helen.
Helen: Well, I had just finished eating and was about to leave, when I looked over this way and said to myself, "Why, isn't that Marge Simpson over there, having brunch with a man who isn't her husband?" (Chuckles) And I just had to come over and say hello.
Marge: We're, um--
Helen: Oh, don't squirm on my account.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jacques: Your fingers are so slender, so feminine. They're far too tapered for the ball you are using. You need something lighter. More delicate. Here. Use my ball.
Marge: Hmm. No. No, thank you, Mr., um, (Looks at Jacques' bowling ball.) Brunswick.
Jacques: Call me Jacques.
Marge: Jacques.
Jacques: Marge.
Marge: Hmm. I'll just use my ball.
Jacques: As you wish. Many people have senseless attachments to heavy, clumsy things, such as this Homer of yours.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Marge, may I speak to you?
Marge: Sure.
Homer: You know, I've been thinking. Everyone makes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but usually the jelly drips out over the sides and the guy's hands get all sticky. But your jelly stays right in the middle where it's supposed to. I don't know how you do it. You just got a gift, I guess. I've always thought so. I just never mentioned it, but it's time you knew how I feel. I don't believe in keeping feelings bottled up. (Silent pause) Good-bye, my wife.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lenny: Hey, way to go, Homer. Way to go!
Co-worker: Hey, what'll I tell the boss?
Homer: Tell him I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Now this is living, eh, kids? Hot pizza--the food of kings!
Lisa: Don't be scared, Dad. It's not so hard takin' care of us.
Homer: (Laughs) Lisa, I'm not scared. I think it's a great chance to spend some time with you kids. Your mother always gets to be alone with you, and now it's my turn.
(Everyone silently eats some pizza.)
Homer: Does the time always drag like this?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jacques: Here we are.
Marge: You didn't have to drop me off.
Jacques: But I wanted to.
(Jacques grabs Marge's hand and stares into her eyes.)
Jacques: Marge, do you know how beautiful you look in the moonlight?
Marge: Oh, Jacques. I'm a married woman.
Jacques: I know. I know. My mind says, "Stop," but my heart and my hips cry, "Proceed."
Marge: (Groans nervously)
Jacques: Marge, darling, I want to see you tomorrow. Not at Barney's Bowlarama. Away from the thunderous folly of clattering pins. Meet me tomorrow for brunch.
Marge: What's brunch?
Jacques: You'll love it. It's not quite breakfast, it's not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end. You don't get completely what you would at breakfast, but you get a good meal.
Marge: I don't think so.
Jacques: Marge, darling, there are ten pins in my heart. You've knocked over eight. Won't you please pick up that spare?
Marge: Mm. Mm. All right!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: You certainly have a lot of bowling trophies.
Jacques: (Laughs) I like you so much. They're not for bowling, Marge. You're so naïve. They're for lovemaking!
 • Rating: Unrated

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