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Bart: Look, Dad. I don't know what's going on, but once you gave me some advice that might help.
Homer: I gave you advice? Get outta here.
Bart: Yeah, you did. You told me when something's bothering you and you're too damn stupid to know what to do, just keep your fool mouth shut. At least that way, you won't make things worse.
Homer: Hmm. Good advice.


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The Simpsons Quotes, The Simpsons Season 1 Episode 9 Quotes, Homer Simpson Quotes, Bart Simpson Quotes
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The Simpsons Season 1 Episode 9 Quotes

Marge: You bought that bowling ball for you, not for me.
Homer: What? No!
Marge: The holes were drilled for your fingers.
Homer: Well, I wanted to surprise you. I couldn't very well chop your hand off and bring it to the store, could I?
Marge: You never intended for me to use that ball.
Homer: Well, if that's how you feel, I'll take it back.
Marge: You can't take it back! You had your name engraved on it!
Homer: So you'd know it was from me!
Marge: Homer, I'm keeping the ball...for myself!
Homer: What? But you don't know how to bowl. Whoops!
Marge: I'm keeping it, and I'm going to use it. Thank you for the present, Homer.
(Marge clicks off the light and goes to bed.)
Homer: Well...you're...welcome.

Marge: You're a very good teacher.
Jacques: Yes, I am a very good teacher, and I can teach you everything. I can tell you what the little arrows on the wood floor mean,--
Marge: Hmmm.
Jacques: --which frame is the beer frame. I bet you don't know how to make a five-seven-ten split. Do you, Marge?
Marge: Hmmm, no.
Jacques: Well, first of all, you yell, "The eight-pin is a cop!"

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