The Simpsons Season 4 Episode 12: "Marge vs. the Monorail" Quotes
Apu: I would like to see this money spent on more police officers. I have been shot eight times this year. As a result, I almost missed work.
Chief Wiggum: Cry-baby.
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Mr. Burns: Hello my name is Mr. Snrub and I come from some place far away. Yes, that will do. Anyway I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant.
Smithers: I like the way Snrub thinks!
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Mayor Quimby: We will now hear suggestions for the disbursement of the two million dollars.
Lisa: Don't you mean three million dollars?
Mayor Quimby: (looks around nervously, adjusts his tie) Of course. How silly of me.
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Marge: I think the money should be spent on something the whole town can be proud of.
Homer: Like a giant billboard that says 'no fat chicks!'?
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Simpson, Homer Simpson.</i> Homer
He's the greatest guy in his-tor-ey
From the Town of Springfield,
He's about to hit a chestnut tree...
- Permalink: The Flintstones) Simpson, Homer Simpson. He's the greatest gu...
Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?Homer
- Permalink: Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Homer: Are we gonna die, son?
Bart: Yeah, but at least we're going to take a lot of innocent people with us.
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The lever you have pulled, "Brakes," is no longer in service. Please make a note of it.Automated Female Voice
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The Monorail Song
Lyle Lanley: Y'know, a town with money is like a mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it!
Homer: Heh heh! Mule.
Lyle Lanley: The name's Lanley. Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest... Aw, it's not for you. It's more of a Shelbyville idea.
Mayor Quimby: Now wait just a minute! We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville! Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it!
Lyle Lanley: All right, I tell you what I'll do. I'll show you my idea! I give you the Springfield Monorail! (audience gasps) I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrooke, and by gum, it put them on the map!
Well, sir, there's nothing on earth
Like a genuine,
What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Patty & Selma: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail!
(crowd chants "Monorail" softly and rhythmically)
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud.
Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanley: You'll all be given cushy jobs.
Grampa: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Chief Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice...
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Lyle Lanley: Once again...
Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken.
Homer: Mono... D'oh!
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