The Simpsons

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The simpsons
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Estelle: Don't you think you deserve to earn as much as a man who does the same job?
Marge: Not if I have to do heavy lifting or math.

Homer: When I see you forming the vowels and continents . . .
Marge: Consonants.

(In detention.)
Homer: So, uh, what are you in for?
Marge: I'm a political prisoner. (Muttering) Last time I ever take a stand.
Homer: Well, I'm in here for being me. Every day, I show up, act like me, and they slap me in here.

(At debate team practice, Homer and Artie Ziff hold a debate.)
Artie: Our current speed limit is an anachronism. The fatuity--
Homer: (Reading from a dictionary.) "Ignoramus."
Artie: --Will you shut up?
Homer: Wait a minute. That word you keep calling me?
Artie: Ignoramus?
Homer: Ignoramus! It means I'm stupid, doesn't it?
Artie: There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity.
Homer: Not to me, there isn't, you--
Mrs. Bloominstein: Homer?
Homer: --ignoramus!
Artie: You're the ignoramus.
Homer: No, you are!
Mrs. Bloominstein: Homer, would you like to present your rebuttal?
Homer: With pleasure. (Everyone gasps as Homer moons the class.)

(Principal Dondalinger catches Homer and Barney smoking in the bathroom.)
Dondalinger: Well, well, well. If it isn't Homer Simpson and Barney Gumble, Springfield's answer to "Cheech and Chong." Allow me, gentlemen. (Grabs their cigarettes and tosses them in the toilet.) You just bought yourselves three days of detention. You know where and when.
Homer and Barney: (In unison.) Three o'clock, old building, room 106.

Waiter: (to Homer) Steak or chicken?
Homer: One of each, please.
Barney: (running naked) Coming through!
Homer: Barney!!!

Barney: Hi, Estelle, will you go to the prom with me?
Estelle: I wouldn't go to the prom with you if you were Elliot Gould.
Barney: Oh shot down again.

Homer: (to the kids) Do you two have to sit so close to the TV? Back up or it'll hurt your eyes.
Bart: Oh, it will not.
Homer: (Holding his fist up) Oh, yes, it will.

Grampa: What's the matter, boy?
Homer: Nothing.
Grampa: You haven't said boo all night and usually I have to wrestle the bucket out of your greasy mitts.
Homer: Dad, I'm in love.
Grandpa: Uh-oh. Why don't you grab yourself a beer, boy.
Homer: But, Dad, I don't drink.
Grandpa: Cut the crap! (Imitating Homer) I just collect the cans, Daddy! (Normal) Now, grab yourself a beer and get me one, too.

Marge: When I got home I realized who I should have gone to the prom with.
Homer: Who? (Realizing) Oh.
Marge: My prom date.
Homer: Marge, pour vous.
Marge: Why so glum?
Homer: I've got a problem. As soon as you stop this car, I'm gonna hug you, and kiss you, and then I'll never be able to let you go! (Fade back to the present) And I never have...

Marge: (Pinching her cheeks) Couldn't we just use rouge for this?
Mrs. Bouvier: Ladies pinch. Whores use rouge.

You tutor? And anyone can be tooted?

Homer
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 24 in total

The Simpsons Season 2 Episode 12 Quotes

Homer: When I see you forming the vowels and continents . . .
Marge: Consonants.

Estelle: Don't you think you deserve to earn as much as a man who does the same job?
Marge: Not if I have to do heavy lifting or math.