Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX

Marge: It's your father, he's missing.
Bart: Dad's missing? Get outta here!
Marge: He's been gone for two days!
Lisa: What do you know, she's right!

Smithers: It's the man in the bag sir; I think he's still alive!
(Mr. Burns beats the bag with a shovel.)
Mr. Burns: Bad corpse, bad corpse! Stop scaring Smithers! Satisfied?
Smithers: Thank you, sir.

Lisa/Bart: Mom, dad!
Marge: My goodness what's wrong?
Bart: We both had nightmares!
Lisa: Can we sleep with you?
Homer: Are you both toilet trained?
Lisa: Yes!
Homer: Oh okay then...

Krusty: (Laughs weakly) Well, we're still on... three hundred and forty- six consecutive hours, and all because of one little boy who--Who won't let me stop! (Delirious) Okay, now let's go and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal over-the-counter wakeup drugs of his.
Audience: Yaaaaaay!

Lisa: Bart, Bart! I had a bad dream; can I sleep in your bed?
Bart: No!
Lisa: I'll give you a candy necklace...
Bart: Climb aboard.

I'll make a wish that can't backfire! I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce, and mustard, and... I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't wanna turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any more weird surprises, you got it! (Homer eats)... Mmm, not bad, nice hot mustard, good bread, turkeys a little dry... THE TURKEY'S A LITTLE DRY!!!


Lisa: I wish for world peace!
Homer: Lisa that was very selfish of you!

Bart: No more fooling around, paw, I wish for The Simpsons to be rich and famous!
Homer: Now you're talking!
Lisa: Yaaaay!
Marge: My purse just exploded!
Homer: Come on everybody, we're going to the fanciest restaurant in town!

Homer: That Monkeys Paw is going to make our dreams come true!
Maggie: suck
Lisa: Oh no! Maggie made a wish! (the family hear a car horn)
Homer: Oooh! A luxury car! Good Maggie!
Marge: (someone's at the door, she opens it) Ooh, a new pacifier.
(The car drives off)
Homer: D'oh!

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