The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 2 Episode 3: "Treehouse of Horror" Quotes
I'm not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars!
Marge
Evil Spirit: Get out.
Marge: What on earth was that?
Homer: Probably just the house settling.
(Lisa finishes reading The Raven.)
Bart: Lisa, that wasn't scary, not even for a poem.
Lisa: Well, it was written in 1845. Maybe people were easier to scare back then.
Bart: Oh, yeah. Like when you look at Friday the 13th, part one. It's pretty tame by today's standards.
(Kang shows off his TV to the Simpsons.)
Kang: On this cable system, we receive over one million channels from the furthest reaches of the galaxy.
Bart: You get HBO?
Kang: No. That would cost extra.
(In the evil house, Marge catches the rest of the family trying to kill each other with knives.)
Marge: That does it. Children, get dressed. We're leaving.
Homer: Come on, Marge. You said you'd sleep on it.
Marge: I don't care what I said. This family has had its differences and we've squabbled, but we've never had knife fights before, and I blame this house.
(Lisa confronts Kang and Kodos.)
Lisa: Well, why were you trying to make us eat all the time?
Kang: Make you eat? We merely provided a sumptuous banquet. Frankly, you people made pigs of yourselves.
Serak the Preparer: (Crying) I slaved in the kitchen for days for you people. And
Kang: Well, if you wanted to make Serak the Preparer cry, mission accomplished.
Listen, you big, stupid space creature, nobody, but nobody, eats the Simpsons!
</i> Homer
(Serak the Preparer provides the Simpson family with a bounty of food.)
Marge: Well, thank you very much, Mr.--
Serak the Preparer: To pronounce it correctly, I would have to pull out your tongue.
(Homer barbeques on the back patio.)
Marge: (Groans) Homer, all these flies.
Homer: Not to worry. I'll just turn on the trusty bug zapper.
(The sound of a few bugs being zapped is then followed by a large zapping noise.)
Homer: Ooh, that was a big mama! (Chuckles)
(In "Bad Dream House," the House talks to Bart in its ghoulish voice.)
Evil Spirit: They are all against you, Bart. You must kill them all. They all must die.
Bart: Are you my conscience?
Evil Spirit: I--Yes, I am.
(Homer convinces the family to stay in the "Bad Dream House.")
Homer: Now, wait a minute, Marge. It's only natural there'd be some things wrong with an old house like this. It's a fixer-upper. What's the problem? We get a bunch of priests in here--
Marge: I'm not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars.
Homer: Don't be so stubborn! We're not talking about a few dollars.
(Homer slowly begins floating to the ceiling.)
Homer: We're talking about a few thousand dollars!
(Homer realizes that he is floating upwards and begins screaming.)
Homer: It's got great high ceilings!
(Homer screams as he suddenly plunges back to the floor.)
Homer: Tell you what. Let's, uh, sleep on it, okay?
(Homer throws an orange into a vortex and it disappears.)
Homer: Hey, pretty slick!
(A crumpled wad of paper flies back out of the vortex and Lisa reads it.)
Lisa: "Quit throwing your garbage into our dimension."
