Lou: No sign of the Serpent.
Wiggum: It's always work with you.

Woman 1: When will we meet the count?
Woman 2: Do you think he'll like us?
Man: I've heard rumors he's mysterious.

Marge: Revenge never solves anything!
Homer: (sarcastically) Then what's America doing in Iraq?

Bart: (Crashes through window) Party's over, Serpent.
Wiggum: No kidding, you're standing in the dip.

(after Lisa's story) Wow! That had what I really like in a story - an ending!


Now we have three ways to talk about revenge, although the first two were sort of the same, and even the third would have worked better as a Halloween Story.


Snake: Hand over your wallet.
Homer: You don't frighten me!
(Snake shoots Homer)
Homer: Or my wife!
(Snake shoots Marge)
Homer: Or my--
Marge: Shut up!

Texan: Look at all them stars How many do you think there are?
Homer: Two.

I hate this Homer jerk with his beautiful wife and loving family, when all I got is this doorway.


Judge: I sentence you to life.
Homer: You moron, I'm already alive.
Judge: In prison!

Lenny: (to Homer) Now get some sleep, you have a 9 AM rat helmet.
Homer: 9 AM!?

(to Martin) You are so dead that you're alive.


The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes

(In "Married to the Blob," a meteorite crashes in the Simpson family back yard and splits open, revealing a glowing green goo.)
Homer: Whoo! A space marshmallow!
(Homer plucks the goo with a stick and tries to eat the goo, which keeps trying to avoid Homer's mouth.)
Homer: Uh? Where do you think you're going?
Lisa: Dad, no! It could teach us the secret of interstellar travel.
Homer: If he's so smart, how come he can't stay out of my mouth?
(The goo struggles in Homer's mouth before finally being swallowed.)
Marge: How could you eat that goo? You don't know what galaxy it's from.
Homer: Marge, I ate it. It's over.
(The goo tries to seep out of Homer's nose.)
Homer: Whoa! Oh, no, you don't!
(A determined Homer repeatedly snorts the goo back into his nose.)
Homer: If I can keep down Arby's, I can keep down you!

(During the opening credits, Mr. Burns acts as the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt.)
Mr. Burns: Hello, boils and ghouls. I am the crypt-keeper, or should I say master of scary-i-monies? (Laughs)
(Smithers interrupts Mr. Burn's opening speech.)
Smithers: (Laughs) Priceless sir, you made the word ceremonies frightening.
Mr. Burns: I know what I did. Urghh.