The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 18 Episode 21: "24 Minutes"

(Marge kisses Bart)
Marge: Oh my special little guy! I'm so glad you're okay.
(Homer kisses Bart)
Homer And I'm so glad you taste like hotdogs!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jack Bauer: Chloe, I need those schematics now.
Bart: What? Who is this?
Jack Bauer: I'm Jack Bauer, who the hell are you?
Bart: Me? Uhh, I'm Ahmed Adoodie.
Jack Bauer: Chloe, find out all you can about Ahmed Adoodie. Does anyone there know Ahmed Adoodie?
Chloe O' Brian: Ahmed Adoodie, wealthy Saudi financier, disappeared into Afghanistan in the late 90's.
Jack Bauer: Really?
Chloe O'Brian: No, Jack. It's a joke name. You're being set up.
Jack Bauer: Dammit!
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Groundskeeper Willie: Teens? In Willie's hidey-hole? I'll mop up your blood from the inside!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Bart spots an incapacitated Ralph in a cage.)
Bart: I've got a man down! Well, not a man, a very special boy.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: I might be able to stop them, but I need a schematic of Jimbo's house!
Lisa: Jimbo drew a couple pictures of his house in second grade, but I can't vouch for their accuracy. The teacher gave them a frowny face.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Apu sniffs some old yogurt that Homer tries to return at the Kwik-E-Mart.)
Apu: Oh my god! If a dead fish and a homeless person had a baby and the baby puked, and a dog ate the puke, this smells like the rear end of that dog!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Principal Skinner: Simpson! I'll teach you to make a Poupon me!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lisa: I've got something! The sixth grade security camera shows three empty desks.
Principal Skinner: Enhance!
(Camera zooms in on desk with "Skinner Stinks" carved into it)
Principal Skinner: De-hance! De-hance!
 • Rating: Unrated

Principal Skinner: (On the phone) Lord, give me guidance... That's right, the guidance department. Thank you, Mrs. Lord.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Milhouse: Lisa, if I don't make it back, there's a letter in my locker I want you to read.
Lisa: I've already read it.
Principal Skinner: We've all read it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 18 Episode 20: "Stop or My Dog Will Shoot"

Farmer: Wagon wheels were the Internet of the 19th century!
Bart: Really?
Farmer: No.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: There sure is a lot of corn in this parking lot.
Lisa: Dad, we're in the MAZE!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: D'oh! Why do things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bart: I miss Santa's Little Helper. I wanted him to be a police dog, but now he has no time for me. I even have to eat my own homework.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: What if Santa's Little Helper stops being a police dog, then he can get a non-violent job like barking songs on novelty Christmas records. You can do it, boy!
(Santa's Little Helper's barks 'The Dreidel Song')
Lisa: No, boy, that's Hannukah!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: (About his new python) He is so awesome I already love him more than Lisa!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: (To Man, Gasping) You stuffed your horn?
 • Rating: Unrated

(lost in the corn maze)
Marge: Maybe we should split up.
Homer: Split up? Marge, no, we can fix this marriage!
Marge: No, no, I didn't mean--
Homer: Fine, you want out? Then go, I can make it on my own! Before I met you, I had friends and dreams!
Marge: I was talking about--
Homer: Oh, please take me back! (sobbing) The dating scene is a nightmare! I'm begging you!
Marge: I just meant we should split up to get out of this corn maze.
Homer: Deep down, I-- I guess I knew that.
Marge: Now, there must be a way out.
Homer: Of our marriage? I don't want to live! (runs off screaming)
Marge: (grumbles)
Homer: (offscreen) Hey, this maze is made of corn.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brandine: (to Cletus) You gave that hog a day of beauty and you give me nothing!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lou: (to Santa's Little Helper) Nobody stays when you say freeze, you might as well say run.
 • Rating: Unrated

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