The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Oh man! It's like the chemicals cut one!

Bart

Lisa: What if Santa's Little Helper stops being a police dog, then he can get a non-violent job like barking songs on novelty Christmas records. You can do it, boy!
(Santa's Little Helper's barks 'The Dreidel Song')
Lisa: No, boy, that's Hannukah!

Judge Snyder: You stand accused of giving hope to scrawny young men. How do you plead?
Snake: Guilty of being innocent!
(Crowd laughs, Santa's Little Helper growls)

Bart: Hey Lis, wanna touch Strangles? He's not slimy at all, he's scaly.
Lisa: (After touching the snake) Eww! He is slimy!
Bart: That's because I soaked him in slime!

Homer: There sure is a lot of corn in this parking lot.
Lisa: Dad, we're in the MAZE!

D'oh! Why do things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?

Homer

Farmer: Wagon wheels were the Internet of the 19th century!
Bart: Really?
Farmer: No.

I miss Santa's Little Helper. I wanted him to be a police dog, but now he has no time for me. I even have to eat my own homework.

Bart

You look like you're trying to eat me. Need some help?

Microsoft Paper Clip

Marge: I'm sorry, Maggie, but growing up means giving up the things you love.
Grampa: It's true. I had to give up everything but raisins, and the doctor says even those are killing me. Sweet, plump coffin nails they are.

We're not thieves. We're scavengers. Like the beautiful vulture, or the heroic tapeworm, or America's sweetheart, the maggot.

Homer

Why am I sleeping when right next door is every kid's dream - - a fat, suggestible, zombie dad?

Bart
Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 374 in total

The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes

Bart: Finally someone who does whatever I say!
Milhouse: Hey, Bart. I shaved my head like you told me.
Bart: Get lost!
Milhouse: Yes, master!

Did someone say snack?

Homer