The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 18 Quotes
Lisa: What if Santa's Little Helper stops being a police dog, then he can get a non-violent job like barking songs on novelty Christmas records. You can do it, boy!
(Santa's Little Helper's barks 'The Dreidel Song')
Lisa: No, boy, that's Hannukah!
Bart: Hey Lis, wanna touch Strangles? He's not slimy at all, he's scaly.
Lisa: (After touching the snake) Eww! He is slimy!
Bart: That's because I soaked him in slime!
Dad, why don't you throw me in the air and I can see which way is out? (he does) Corn. (again) More corn. (again) Another kid getting thrown in the air. (again) Witches' coven. (again) Seattle Space Needle. (again) Amateur production of You Can't Take It With You. (again) Oh, I'm getting dizzy. (again) And corn again.
</i> Lisa
I miss Santa's Little Helper. I wanted him to be a police dog, but now he has no time for me. I even have to eat my own homework.
Bart
You look like you're trying to eat me. Need some help?
Microsoft Paper Clip
Oh man! It's like the chemicals cut one!
Bart
Farmer: Wagon wheels were the Internet of the 19th century!
Bart: Really?
Farmer: No.
D'oh! Why do things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?
Homer
Homer: There sure is a lot of corn in this parking lot.
Lisa: Dad, we're in the MAZE!
Marge: I'm sorry, Maggie, but growing up means giving up the things you love.
Grampa: It's true. I had to give up everything but raisins, and the doctor says even those are killing me. Sweet, plump coffin nails they are.
Look at me, guys! I'm stealing five Segways at once. And speaking of segue ways, I'm off to my next morally questionable activity.
Homer
We're not thieves. We're scavengers. Like the beautiful vulture, or the heroic tapeworm, or America's sweetheart, the maggot.
Homer
