Milhouse: Let me try! Will I get beat up today? ... All signs point to yes
Nelson: That ball knows everything. *punch*

Skinner: Now It's never easy to come to a new school so let's make her feel right at home. Please say a big Elementary school hello to Samantha Stinky!
Samantha: Stanky.
Skinner: Oh, right....how embarrassing for you.

Will I pass my English test? .... Outlook not so good. Wow, it does work.

Bart

Troy McClure: That night came the Honeymoon....
Kids: Eeeeeew!
Edna: She's faking it!

We just moved here from Phoenix. My dad owns a home security company. He came to Springfield because of its high crime rate and lackluster police force.

Samantha

Lisa: Hey Bart, according to this magazine, in another million years, man will have an extra finger!
Bart: Five fingers...ooh, freak show!

Samantha: All my friends are back in Phoenix and this town has a weird smell that you're all probably used to...but I'm not.
Edna: It'll take you about six weeks, dear.

Samantha: How do we know when we fall in love?
Kraboppel: Oh, don't you worry. Most of you will never fall in love and marry out of fear of dying alone.

How could this happen? We started out like Romeo and Juliet but it ended up in tragedy!

Milhouse

Bart: Hey, what's with the skirt?
Milhouse: I've brought friends to this tree house before.
Bart: Yeah, but never a girl. What if I want to strut around nude?

Bart: How would I go about creating a half-man half-apelike creature?
Edna: I'm sorry, that would be playing God.
Bart: God shmod! I want my monkey-man!

Good evening. Did you know that 34 million American adults are obese? Putting together that excess blubber would fill the Grand Canyon two fifths of the way up. That may not sound impressive, but keep in mind it is a very big canyon.

Kent Brockman

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

(After Homer rejects other names for boys based on rhyming nicknames)
Marge: What about Bart?
Homer: Let's see. Bart, dart, cart, e-art. Nope can't see any problems with that.
(Missing fart due to only 4 fingers)

Principle Skinner: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a game of it.
Bart: What kind of game?
Principle Skinner: Well, for example, you could see how many you could lick in an hour, then try to break that record.
Bart: Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me.
Principle Skinner: Yes, well... Get started.