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Two-and-a-half-men

Alan: Remember, we have Jake's session first.
Charlie: Oh, man, I thought you didn't want him to go back to that quack.
Alan: I didn't, but Judith and I talked and we decided that what I want makes no difference whatsoe

Jake: My doctor has a cow puppet.
Evelyn: Really? MD or Ph.D?
Jake: C-O-W

Charlie: Hey Jake, you wanna go to the bowling alley and play some air hockey today?
Jake: Sure, but you still owe me, like, $12,000 from last time.
Charlie: What are you gonna do, break my thumbs?
Jake: It wouldn't hurt your game

Alan: Why is the vacuum cleaner out?
Charlie: Because we were ankle deep in bunny poop.
Alan: Were you drinking last night?
Charlie: Yes, but that's not the point

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