Venture Brothers

Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon Network

Season: 4 1

Venture Brothers Season 1 Quotes

Episode 13: "Return to Spider-Skull Island"

Dr. Orpheus: Good night, you princes of Venture. You kings of sleepover
• Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Dr. Orpheus: Punkin', get me my cloak!
Triana: Why don't you wear the...
Dr. Orpheus: Oh fine. Get me my blue windbreaker!
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Dr. Orpheus: What is...?
Brock: It's Doc's deformed twin brother - he absorbed in the womb but he's come back for revenge, but now they've made up, so...
Dr. Orpheus: 'kay...
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Monarch: You boys don't want to end up in here. This place is full of animals... no, Hank, I don't mean King Gorilla. In a place like this, you'd be eaten alive... no, I'm not talking about Mecha-Mouth
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Hank: Maternity. You weren't kidding, Deano. Pop really is having a baby!
Dean: I think I need a cigarette
• Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

ER Doctor: The tumor was benign. It's just that... well. [clears throat] We cannot find it.
Dr. Venture: What do you mean you "can't find it?"
ER Doctor: Well we took it out and, I don't know. When I finished sewing you up I turned around and it was... just gone.
Dr. Venture: Gone. Well. I want a second opinion. Oh wait, I'm a doctor! I can give myself one! You suck, and I'm leaving
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hank: I'm outta here! I'm not gonna play second... banana-fiddle to some stupid old baby.
Dean: Well not me! I'm staying right here. I'll be sleeping in a room right next to Triana. And then she'll hear like, thunder or something, and, and she'll run into my room all scared and stuff, and I'll be like, 'hush my darling, it's just ionized air molecules expanding'. And she'll be like, 'oh, hold me', and I'll like...
Hank: Dude! If we stay here that means we'll be Dr. Orpheus' kids. And that means Triana will be your sister. And that means you two will have extra-retard babies.
Dean: Huh. I never thought of that. [he stands up] Alright, I'm with you!
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Dr. Orpheus: Pumpkin, you're up early, and you've changed out of your jam-jams into...the clothes you wore last night. How frugal of you. Did you just get home?
Triana: Kim was totally plastered, and then we were like...
Dr. Orpheus: Sweetie, let me love you - don't make this hard for us
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Jonas Venture, Jr.: Hello, Rusty.
Fetus Rusty: Daddy? What are you doing in mommy's womb?
Jonas Venture, Jr.: I came to tell you son...(spooky voice)...there is another Venture.
Fetus Rusty: Why're you talking like Yoda?
Jonas Venture, Jr.: This is your dream, Rusty - you tell me
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Dr. Orpheus: Now we have the Venture twins staying with us, and they're not in the den. I sense something is amiss. Is there, something else you forgot to tell daddy?
Triana: They ran away.
[Dr. Orpheus gasps]
Triana: They said they were going to the city to become famous lion tamers
• Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Dr. Venture: You jury-rigged my body, that's why I have all these blackouts. I thought it was the pills.
Jonas: Your body's a mess! It's become absolutely uninhabitable.
Dr. Venture: Yeah, well I don't remember asking you to live in me! Wait a minute. You're why I've been having all these f**ked up dreams. You're probably why I lost my hair too, aren't you! You stole my hair!
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

The Monarch: You're probably wondering why you're here. You're here because you done f**ked up too many times! You think you're hot s**t in a champagne glass, but you're really cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup. And if you keep up like you've been doing, this is where you're headed
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

The Monarch: What's your name?
Dean: Dean Ven-
The Monarch: Your name is bitch!! And I own you. You're property! And when I'm tired of having sex with every hole god drilled in your slender frame...King Gorilla! You got a cigarette? There. I just sold you for a cigarette. And I don't smoke! (double take) Holy s***! You're Dean f***ing Venture! King, I gotta buy my bitch back. H-here's your cigarette.
King Gorilla: F*** you, gimme a dollar
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hank: I can't believe we have a new baby uncle. Every Christmas he's probably gonna give us a Jovan Musk gift pack. And we'll have to pretend he's not all creepy looking. Aww, I bet we're gonna have to kiss him!
Dean: Right? Dude, did you shake his hand? It was like shaking hands with a chicken dinner
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Dr. Orpheus: There is a television behind the El Greco. Sadly, the remote has vanished from the material sphere...
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Episode 12: "The Trial of the Monarch"

Dr. Girlfriend: You should have replaced his blood with acid after this part. The sharks won't touch him.
Monarch: Thanks, Dr. Girlfriend, now you tell me. Lower the giant hairdryer!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Monarch: Well, Hank...what's it like to be a... liar?!? Huh? You like being a liar, with pants constantly on fire?!
Tiny Attorney: Objection, your Honor! Leadin'.
Monarch: I'll rephrase that. Hank, are you a liar?
Hank: No sir, I don't think so.
Monarch: Yes you are!
Dean: You're the liar!
Monarch: And may I remind you that I am rubber and you are glue and whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!
• Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Dr. Venture: If I knew you could just call the cops on him, I would've done it years ago! Because I'm no sissy, no sir, I would just pick up that phone and, "Officer? There's a man in a butterfly suit shooting my robot with a laser beam."
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brock: Who do you think supplied the department with new cruisers last year?
Dr. Venture: My tax dollars, for one.
Hank: Santa Claus, for two!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0