Weeds

Weeds Season 5 Quotes

Season 5 Episode 13: "All About My Mom"

Nancy: If you come anywhere near my children, I'll kill you myself.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: I know all the best rehab centers. I'm totally addicted to that show Intervention.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 12: "Glue"

Shane: Do you ever go back to right after dad died and wish you could do things differently?
Nancy: I try not to.
Shane: I do. All the time.
 • Rating: Unrated

Silas: Don't tell anyone I was noble.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: What is the glue that holds your relationship together?
Nancy: I don't even need the choices on this one. I'm gonna say Elmer's.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 11: "Ducks and Tigers"

Celia [to stylist]: What about you? You ever take a trip down to girlie town?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Andy: If you don't cum, the terrorists win.
Audra: We can't have that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Nancy: I screwed up my kids.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 10: "Perro Insano"

Shane: Shane: Aaargh! F**k you, f**k your mom in the ass with a screwdriver.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Silas: Silas: I get it. If I get shot in my jerk-off arm, I would be mad too.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Nancy: I think I'm happy for you.
Andy: I think I'm happy for you, too.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 9: "Suck 'n' Spit"

Nancy [asking Andy to suck her nipple]: Be the baby!
 • Rating: Unrated

Nancy: Why is the bed moving?
Andy: There must be an earthquake.
Nancy: Are you jerking off?!?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 8: "A Distinctive Horn"

Esteban: Our son will be baptized by a priest in a church
Nancy: Sorry, he's Jewish. Snip, snip. Eat fish. Start saving for law school
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy [about Audra]: She likes me
Gale: She's gonna burn in hell for all eternity
Andy: Well I'd rather laugh with the sinners, Gale
Gale: For now...
 • Rating: Unrated

Silas [about baby Botwin]: He's kind of cute
Shane: Who cares? He's probably just gonna want to play soccer
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dean: My rate is five hundred dollars an hour
Doug: Wooo... that better include a rim job
 • Rating: Unrated

Pilar: Do you know why I've never had children?
Nancy: Because you'd eat them and children are super fattening?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 7: "Where The Sidewalk Ends"

Shane: Why don't you sell something people want.
Celia: Like what?
Shane: Like drugs.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Esteban seems like the type to just throw you on the table and f-ck you.
Nancy: That works, too.
Andy: See, we'd never have worked. I'm not rape-y enough for you.
 • Rating: Unrated

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