Popular Wilfred Quotes
Maybe I should take out a restraining order...from my pocket, to use as a bargaining chip to trade for my baby-getting stick.
How many innocent babies have to survive before we put an end to this senseless nurturing?
I'm such an idiot for not duct taping a pizza cutter to the end of Arturo's penis!
Ryan: What's that?
Wilfred: Baby food. Might as well get used to it. This is what it's gonna be like three months from now.
You just put a footprint on the Mona Lisa. Did you see the swirl on that masterpiece? The form, the texture, the taper of pinch point? What do I bother? You don't know shit.
This is all your fault. How come every time I follow you somewhere I lose my wallet?
Ryan
I've heard of trauma causing blindness, like when Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles walked in on each other masturbating.
Ryan: Read a book or something.
Wilfred: A book? Yeah right. Maybe if it had pictures...that moved...and sound...and Matt Damon in it...and in the middle of the movie Matt Damon'd be like (makes gun noises)...now there's a book I'd like to read.
So when Jenna leaves the house and I can't see her anymore, she doesn't cease to exist, she's just somewhere else? No, no, no, no. That's just crazy.
Jesus, put down the bong and pick up a book.
Wipe that smirk off your face and listen to this Kant.
Ryan: Get off.
Wilfred: I'm trying to!
