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Ryan: I feel bad.
Wilfred: That's just your conscience being a total gaylord.

I'll kill you! This fly's been acting like a total dick all morning.

Not like I was gonna buy her. Last time I had Indian, it gave me the shits for a week.

Ryan, anger is like herpes. You're not meant to keep it to yourself.

I once cracked a Nazi skin head in the face with a beer bong, and you know what he did to me? Belly rub.

Great, the entrails fell out. Now it's worthless.

Sneakers is no one huh? Do you usually buy priceless jewelry for no one? Imitation, colored glass. Plastic painted to look like metal. This isn't some cheap made in China knock-off. This is made in Taiwan. You bastard! Keeping another dog on the side are ya?

Ryan: I killed him.
Wilfred: Oh, that's a relief.

After I went to sleep, you somehow managed to get some sort of homo chip planted in my brain.

I got it. It wasn't a homo chip. It was a glowing orb of gayness brought here by aliens that you summoned...

Ryan: I thought it would make me sound Effete.
Wilfred: So does saying the word "effete."

Now that I've met Raffie, how can I go back to bear? I mean bear did put me through obedience school, but does that mean I have to be unhappy for the rest of my life?

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 300 in total

Wilfred Quotes

Ryan: Why don't you ask your best friend Dennis?
Wilfred: Ryan I have a confession to make. Dennis will be out of town this weekend also.

Shame is like having a daughter with red hair and freckles; you cannot let it become part of your life.

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