Wilfred

Wilfred Quotes (Page 2)

Season 2 Episode 10: "Honesty"

Ryan: I'm returning the cats. There's no reason to keep them.
Wilfred: Dude, I was literally just about to kill them.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ryan: I will not rest until every cat in Venice is dead. And then I will move to my ultimate goal of making earrings out of the bronze testicles of every postal worker in the greater Los Angeles area.
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: Imagine how hilarious I'd look wearing a full-bodied animal suit.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ryan: Maybe there will be a feel good ending, like all the cats are found safe.
Wilfred: Or sex-butchered by a psychopath.
 • Rating: Unrated

Rob: Tits, let's move.
 • Rating: Unrated

Rob: Nice job, Squishy T.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ryan: Wilfred, these are pets. People will be looking for them.
Wilfred: They're cats Ryan. No one cares.
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: Who's meowing now bitches?!?!
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: Do you remember the scratch on my face, Ryan?
Ryan: The one that's still there? Yes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: Three of the bastards jumped me whilst I was in the back alley, taking the trash out of the trash.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 9: "Service"

Ryan: Another Hillary Swank dream?
Wilfred: She was wearing a g-string in this one. Ryan it was so real.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Wilfred: For God's sake, go participate in the most beautiful experience life has to offer even if it means looking directly into your own sister's slop hole.
 • Rating: Unrated

Catherine: If we make it to Victorville by sundown, I know a place that rents stilts...cheap!
 • Rating: Unrated

Ryan: Is that kitty litter?
Wilfred: There's still turds in it. Dibs!
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: Mexico? You know they eat dogs down there?
Ryan: They do not.
Wilfred: What, you don't think Mexico City has a Korea Town?
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: Ryan I know the timing couldn't possibly be any worse, but I think someone might have dug up Mittens and eaten part of the corpse.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Wilfred: You know what I say to people when they steal my lines? I say "Hey, hey, hey, it's Faaaaaat Albert!"
 • Rating: Unrated

Catherine: So you're no longer exclusively into Black love? Is that what you're trying to tell me?
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: Remember when I mauled that Black teenager's face the other day? You think I did that because he had ice cream on his face? No. I did it because I hoped it would help him go on to be the next Seal.
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: I don't want to cast a darker shadow on an already tragic day, but I think someone may have eaten part of Jeremy's brains.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite "Wilfred" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!