Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FX
Wilfred

Sorry, the music just sorta flowed out of me. I guess that's what happens when, love slaps you around like a little ho.

Wilfred: Fine, then I suppose I'll have to resort to more drastic measures.
Ryan: Wait, What're you gonna do?
Wilfred: I'm gonna get my squeaky ball and leave it on the living room floor, where Phil can see it. Then when our little friend goes to play with it I'll simply snatch.....it....back.

So, just when I finally neutralize the Jellybeans threat, you invite this bulldog to come and live with us? There's only so much dog poon to go around. And you know this Phil guy's gonna be creeping up on the neighborhood glory hole. That shit is locals only! It's like, Go back to the Val, kook!

Without Wilfred I have no purpose!

Bruce

What is this a dick punch fight?

Ryan: I didn't really have you neutered! Everything you're feeling is only psychosomatic.
Wilfred: But you did have my ears cleaned, which is bad enough.

Everyone knows store lighting can't be trusted, especially when you have a non-traditional figure.

This bag is majorly cute Ryan. I can totally see you carrying that with my head sticking out the top of it.

I've done some awful, awful things to you...registering you as a sex offender in the state of Oregon, putting fake blood stains on the ass of your shorts just before you go bike riding...

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