Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FX
Wilfred

Everyone knows store lighting can't be trusted, especially when you have a non-traditional figure.

This bag is majorly cute Ryan. I can totally see you carrying that with my head sticking out the top of it.

I've done some awful, awful things to you...registering you as a sex offender in the state of Oregon, putting fake blood stains on the ass of your shorts just before you go bike riding...

Let me guess. He had you kick your cousin's kid in the face with a running start, didn't he?

Bruce

Ryan: He kinda reminds me of Wilfred.
Kristen: You know, you talk about Wilfred more than most people talk about their neighbors' dogs.

I'm gonna get a bikini wax and I want to still be a little buzzed when the lady rips it.

Kristen

However I need to change, I'll change. I just can't go another two years without you in my life.

Henry

Katherine: It's like he's trying to sing.
Wilfred: Trying? Was Oates trying?

Pumpkin? Just so I understand, your dad nicknamed his daughter after the scent of her vagina?

Your dad is just how I pictured him...pure evil. He even looks like Michael Vick.

Getting tangled up in Christmas lights IS a workout.

Girl? Do you not see this penis right here? Well actually that's a gum drop stuck in my fur.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 300 in total

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Wilfred Quotes

Shame is like having a daughter with red hair and freckles; you cannot let it become part of your life.

Wilfred

Being happy is just like being gay. It's a choice, that's why they mean the same thing.

Wilfred
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