Wilfred

Wilfred Quotes (Page 4)

Season 2 Episode 6: "Control"

Amanda: Sorry, I'm not much of a dog person.
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: I brought dessert! I found it in the most charming little French bakery's dumpster.
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: You can't control relationships. You have to let things happen naturally.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ryan: As your lawyer, maybe I could send a cease and desist letter to FazzioMcBoners99.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 5: "Now"

Ryan: Wilfred, you're my best friend. If you want your own dog house, we'll get you one. I just can't spend $9,000.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kevin: Warner's gonna join us whenever he feels like it. That's one of the things about being rich; you get to treat everybody else like s**t. I can't wait.
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: There's darkness everywhere Ryan. You just can't see because the sun is such an attention whore.
 • Rating: 4.4 / 5.0

Wilfred: Wipe that smirk off your face and listen to this Kant.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Wilfred: Jesus, put down the bong and pick up a book.
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: So when Jenna leaves the house and I can't see her anymore, she doesn't cease to exist, she's just somewhere else? No, no, no, no. That's just crazy.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ryan: Read a book or something.
Wilfred: A book? Yeah right. Maybe if it had pictures...that moved...and sound...and Matt Damon in it...and in the middle of the movie Matt Damon'd be like (makes gun noises)...now there's a book I'd like to read.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Wilfred: I've heard of trauma causing blindness, like when Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles walked in on each other masturbating.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ryan: This is all your fault. How come every time I follow you somewhere I lose my wallet?
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: You just put a footprint on the Mona Lisa. Did you see the swirl on that masterpiece? The form, the texture, the taper of pinch point? What do I bother? You don't know s**t.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 4: "Guilt"

Ryan: What's that?
Wilfred: Baby food. Might as well get used to it. This is what it's gonna be like three months from now.
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: I'm such an idiot for not duct taping a pizza cutter to the end of Arturo's penis!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Wilfred: How many innocent babies have to survive before we put an end to this senseless nurturing?
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: Maybe I should take out a restraining order...from my pocket, to use as a bargaining chip to trade for my baby-getting stick.
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: How did you scale that giant wall? That's impossible. Are you secretly some sort of magical other worldly entity? Cause I'd tell you if I was.
 • Rating: Unrated

Wilfred: It just keeps piling up, just like the brave, dead soldiers of the Babies R Us parking lot.
 • Rating: Unrated

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