Tits, let's move.


Nice job, Squishy T.


Ryan: Wilfred, these are pets. People will be looking for them.
Wilfred: They're cats Ryan. No one cares.

Who's meowing now bitches?!?!

Wilfred: Do you remember the scratch on my face, Ryan?
Ryan: The one that's still there? Yes.

Three of the bastards jumped me whilst I was in the back alley, taking the trash out of the trash.

Ryan: Another Hillary Swank dream?
Wilfred: She was wearing a g-string in this one. Ryan it was so real.

For God's sake, go participate in the most beautiful experience life has to offer even if it means looking directly into your own sister's slop hole.

If we make it to Victorville by sundown, I know a place that rents stilts...cheap!


Ryan: Is that kitty litter?
Wilfred: There's still turds in it. Dibs!

Wilfred: Mexico? You know they eat dogs down there?
Ryan: They do not.
Wilfred: What, you don't think Mexico City has a Korea Town?

Ryan I know the timing couldn't possibly be any worse, but I think someone might have dug up Mittens and eaten part of the corpse.

Wilfred Season 2 Quotes

Being happy is just like being gay. It's a choice, that's why they mean the same thing.


Wilfred: Do you know why dogs dig?
Ryan: Because they're searching for bones?
Wilfred: Because we're searching for truth.