It turns out that friendship is stealing when a security guard, Ryan, is distracting Ted when he talks his ear off everytime he walks by.  Ted decides to try and change Ryan by asking him to talk less, breaking the guy's heart.  He finds out that Ryan thinks of Ted as his best friend and he ends up quitting and going home.  Ted goes to his house to apologize, only to find Ryan drunk and his wife about go into labor.  Ted has to drive her to the hospital, where she gives birthd in the pristine backseat of his car.

Meanwhile, poor Phil and Lem are stuck reporting directly to Veronica as they're on a project to redo the company's PA system.  Veronica decides to do a little changing herself as she makes Phil and Lem separate.  In the end, Veronica makes a nervous Phil attach a microphone to her neck and he ends up stabbing her.  An agered Veroncia screams at him to leave, accidentally announcing it on the PA system, sending the whole office running off.  The episode ends with Ted and Veronica alone, singing "I Got You Babe."

Linda, in an attempt to show Ted and Veronica there's no need to change people, brags about her friendly relationship with Mr. Krebs.  However, it turns out Mr. Krebs thinks of her as the Ryan in their relationship.