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Veridian Dynamics offers up a new compatability chart to match its single employees with their perfect genetic counterparts to save on health insurance thanks to stronger babies.

Ted ends up getting matched with Danielle (Virginia Williams), who he ends up going on a date with despite his promise to Linda to not take one of his matches.  The date goes very well until Ted accidentally says "I Love You" but quickly tries to recover by saying Utah.  From there he claims to be an Indian and teaches her his language.  After the lie continues to escalate he eventually admits the truth to her and ends hi chance with his perfect date.

After Linda finds out that Ted goes on his date, she agrees to go out with her handsome match, Greg (Taye Diggs).  However, Greg admits on their first date that he likes to dress as a bear and scare people in the park.  Crazy.

Veronica and Lem end up getting matched together and Veronica demands his sperm so she can have offspring and not let her sister beat her.  Lem, thinking she'd be a terrible mother initially refuses, until he witnesses Veronica defending him and Phil to a receptionist and feels safe, like a cub.  He goes to give Veronica his sperm, but it's too late, Ted convinced her she can't take the employees sperm if she wants them go produce her moss.  Trust us, it made sense.

Meanwhile, Phil isn't matched because he's married and in fact Veridian recommends he gets a vasectomy because he's unfit for reproduction.  Phil looks up his history and we find out the hilarious, useless role the Mymans have played.  Phil eventually learns there's nothing wrong with his sperm other than the fact he's actually too verile.  The company didn't want him to have kids to save on health care costs.

Episode Number:

They misspelled compatibility. Duh.

Better Off Ted Season 2 Episode 1 Quotes

Veronica: While right now I'm neither interested in raising a child, nor in playing landlord for nine months to a parasitic organism, I just want to keep my options open.
Lem: You want to have my baby?
Veronica: Well, using your DNA would only be my Plan E. Behind fall in love and breed, clone, take one of my sister's kids, or rip out the whole works and sail around the world.
Lem: Well, you would look good on the deck of the right ship. Tanned, wind in your hair, no ovaries.

Ted: Phil, just because they use the word "whee" doesn't mean it's a good thing. Remember "Whee! It's Pension Rollbacks"?
Phil: Oh, actually that was fun.. until they rolled back our pensions.

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