There is so much wrong with NCIS Season 15 Episode 5, I'm not even sure where to begin. It would be far, far easier to list off the few things about this episode I did like.

Seriously, that's how frustrating I found "Fake It 'Til You Make It." Words can barely express how often I found myself rolling my eyes and gritting my teeth in annoyance.

First off, I knew -- I knew! -- that Melissa faked her kidnapping. I mean, come on. She shows off her bruises and cozies up to a federal agent (more on that later!), and then just happens to get kidnapped in front of him?

Though perhaps the most glaring giveaway about the whole set-up came from the title of the episode: "Fake It 'Til You Make It." Very subtle, indeed.

Then, the kidnapping itself. There's a reason you don't see adults getting kidnapped by lone criminals in sedans: because it's dumb.

Suppose Crook pulls Victim into the car. Now what? Throw Victim in the back so Victim can either make a scene or kick Crook in the head? This is why kidnappers use those big vans with no rear windows.

Then we were supposed to accept that Melissa, a rather slight woman, struggled successfully enough against a reasonably-fit man who serves in the military to get her hands on the gun so it "just went off" and conveniently killed him.

Yes, I'm perfectly aware that the story was a lie concocted by Melissa. But everyone simply bought it when she first told it, instead of finding it completely ridiculous.

Plus there was the contrived coincidence of NCIS's involvement with the case. Sure, Gibbs may not care about jurisdiction, but everyone else does. But, surprise! It turned out the supposed kidnapper was with the Navy!

One could argue that Melissa specifically targeted a member of NCIS because Eddie worked for the Navy, but that spawns a whole new set of problems.

First of which being, how did she know Reeves worked with NCIS? More than once during the episode, they pointed out Clayton didn't share at all during the AA meetings. If there was more going on, then it was too unclear to follow.

Secondly, the scriptwriter seemed to completely forget that Clayton Reeves does not work for NCIS! He works with NCIS. He works for MI-6. He's not an agent of the US government. He has no authority or powers of arrest on American soil.

This is not the first time this has happened, either. It's like no one ever defined Reeves's job description for the NCIS writers' pool, so they just throw him in doing whatever, up to and including investigating crimes as a member of the team.

For heaven's sake, he even identified himself as "Officer Reeves, NCIS," which meant he was misrepresenting himself as a federal agent! This, ladies and gents, is a crime. At best, it's dodgy.

Speaking of dodgy...

How in the name of sanity did anyone let Eddie anywhere near that state of the art UAV project when he was clearly a moron and a deadly hazard to operational security?!

He not only told his girlfriend about this super-duper top secret project, he apparently left his laptop unsecured so she could just steal the information and sell it!

When it comes to stupidity, I would not underestimate this guy.

Abby

• Permalink: When it comes to stupidity, I would not underestimate this guy.

I am not joking a little when I say that this sort of behavior could get you in serious, serious trouble. If Eddie weren't dead, he'd probably be court-martialed for his apparent rampant idiocy.

(On a side note, transferring files does not, I repeat, does not destroy the originals. It especially does not destroy the contents but leave the headers intact. That's not how these things work.)

The whole "McGee got memed" story felt weirdly flat for most of the episode, up until the end when they revealed Tony DiNozzo was behind it. I confess that I am honestly pleased they're keeping Tony alive in the series.

And yes, revenge will be sweet.

The more you know, the less you understand.

Gibbs [on being told about memes]

• Permalink: The more you know, the less you understand.

Check out our NCIS quotes page for some of the notable lines from this episode.

Jimmy also impressed me with how genuinely professional he behaved throughout most of the story, producing key evidence and not, for once, being the butt of the joke or being comically terrified of Gibbs.

(Speaking of Gibbs, did he seem strangely grouchy throughout this episode? Maybe it was because his team needed Sloane to tell them to retrace Eddie's footsteps, which sounds like basic police work to me.)

Random aside: does anyone here use cayenne pepper in their chicken pot pies? I've never heard of such a thing, but I can't exactly call myself a chicken pot pie expert.

Random aside 2: Isn't it called Alcoholics Anonymous for a reason? Does Reeves giving his full name break some sort of convention?

If you want to relieve the delightful gem that is this episode, feel free to watch NCIS online. And hang onto your hats for NCIS Season 15 Episode 6, "Trapped," slated to air on Tuesday, October 31, 2017, at 8/7c on CBS.

What did you think of "Fake It 'Til You Make It," fellow NCIS fans? Did you cotton onto the fake kidnapping early on, or did the reveal come as a surprise?

Let us know in the comments section below!