Joe Swanson Picture

Joe Swanson Picture

A picture of the handicapable cop, Joe Swanson, from Family Guy. Joe is friends and neighbors with the Griffin family.
Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
The Guys in Jail

The Guys in Jail

Can Peter and company survive time in a southern jail? That's the basis for Family Guy's 12/4/11 episode.
Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Tracking Down Joe's Shooter

Tracking Down Joe's Shooter

Peter and Quagmire help Joe track down his shooter on Family Guy. "Joe's Revenge" is the fifth episode of the show's 11th season.
Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Family Guy Premiere Scene

Family Guy Premiere Scene

You're looking at a scene from the season premiere of Family Guy. Peter wins the lottery during it.
Rating: 4.7 / 5.0
Family Guy Goes British

Family Guy Goes British

The Family Guy goes British in this season 10 episode of the sitcom.
Rating: 3.0 / 5.0
Quagmire, Peter and Joe

Quagmire, Peter and Joe

Quagmire, Peter and Joe are determined to help Quagmire's sister on the episode "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q."
Rating: 3.0 / 5.0
Evil Soap - Family Guy

Evil Soap - Family Guy

An evil bar of soap comes to haunt Peter and his friends on Family Guy. "Peternormal Activity"is fifth episode of the season.
Rating: Unrated

Family Guy Quotes

Death Star Officer 1: Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe.
Stewie (Darth Vader): That is fantastic! Terrific work! So no weaknesses at all, huh?
Death Star Officer 1: N- (considers) no.
Stewie (Darth Vader): You, uh, you hesitated there. Is there something I should know?
Death Star Officer 1: No, it's virtually indestructable, like 99.99 percent.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Uh...OK, wouldn't be doin' my job if I didn't ask what's the .01?
Death Star Officer 1: Well, I- I mean, there's this little hole, it was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect, and if you shoot a laser into this hole, uh, the station blows up.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that sounds like a pretty big design flaw there.
Death Star Officer 1: No, no, no the hole's only two meters across.
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Well, that's no bigger than a womp rat.
Death Star Officer 1: Exactly. And even to get within range of it, you have to skim along this whole trench, it's not a big deal.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Well, I mean, I mean, can't we board it up or, you know, put some plywood over it or something?
Death Star Officer 1: Well, that would look terrible! I mean, we got to think about re-sale.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Re-sale? Wh-what are you talking about? This property is right above Sunset, the value's only gonna go up.
Death Star Officer 1: Lord Vader, your inside references to the Los Angeles real estate market haven't given you the clairvoyance to turn a profit on that condo in Glendale, nor has it-
(Vader begins choking him with the Force)
Stewie (Darth Vader): I find your lack of faith disturbing. That property is in a prime location, twenty minutes to the beach, twenty minutes to downtown!
Death Star Officer 1: (choking) There's nothing to do downtown!
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Enough of this! Vader, release him.
Stewie (Darth Vader): As you wish. (releases the officer, who collapses on the table, gasping for air) All right, so we gonna plug up that hole?
Death Star Officer 2: Yeah, we can get it done tomorrow if price is no object.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Eyuuuuh...
Death Star Officer 2: We'll get estimates.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Yeah, get estimates, yeah ha, yeah, yeah ha ha, yeah.

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)