Andy Dwyer Quotes
Andy: I do love you.
April: You do?
Andy: Yea.. that's what, you know, makes the sauce so awesome.
Hey, are you alright? You seem super not happy.
Andy: God, I swear.. it's almost like they don't want you to win.
April: Well, you better practice. You gotta win me a teddy bear.
Andy: I'm gonna win you a million teddy bears.
April: Well, I want a billion teddy bears.
Andy: Well, that's a little unrealistic. This is a hard game.. Two million.
Leslie: Everything needs to be perfect. Joan is always looking for a scandal. She's like an eagle eyed tiger.
Andy: "Eagle Eyed Tiger." New band name, I call it!
April: I love you.
Andy: Dude, shut up! That is awesome sauce!
I want to treat April like a queen. And queens deserve flowers and massages, chocolate, booze, diamonds, rubies, emeralds, them treasure chests full of scarves, different kinds of lubes that warm up when you rub them on stuff.
So, what do you want to do tonight? We could watch TV at Burley's house, or we could watch TV at your house. Or, I mean we could watch TV at Best Buy.
April: Dear April's grandmother. I said grandfather.
Andy: Oh. Oops. OK.
April: You are a beautiful and amazing woman. Man. I hope some day I can become half the woman you are. He's a man. Thank you for the $500. It was $5. Enjoy the Mouse Rat CD. He is deaf.
Andy: OK, do you want me to make those changes or is it good?
Andy: Tell me your least favorite things you have to do everyday and I'll do them for a month.
April: Fine. If you do everything I hate for a month, then I might begin to think about the possiblity of thinking about maybe staying.
Andy: That's all I have to hear. You won't live to regret this.
Tom: All I can think about is Captain Mustache plowing my ex-wife.
Andy: And you imagine he's wearing a cape, while he's plowing her?
Tom: What?
Andy: No, just Captain Mustache? I mean if all you could think of is Ron — you know — Maybe put him in some tights and a cape, and then it would be funny.
Tom: Now I'm imagining a cape.
Dude, that is the coolest sentence I have ever heard somebody talk.
Andy: He just sat down. What am I suppose to do? He's my boss.
Ann: No, he's not!
Andy: He isn't? God dang it, I cannot figure out who my boss is.
