SecNav: They said no cops. Have you looked in the mirror? You look like an MP, you look like a fed and you look like Sonny Crockett.
Tony: Don Johnson or Colin Farrell?

Tony: So what happened? Gibbs give you the brush-off?
Valeri: I get the sense he thinks I'm the enemy.
Tony: Well you're not. Unless you're one of his ex-wives. Or a lawyer.

Tim's good at his job.

Valeri: Okay, Tim, just please tell him the story already.
Bishop: You haven't heard this story?
Tony: Bishop knows?
McGee: Alright, look. I'll tell you but you can't make fun of me.
Tony: I promise. My word is my bond.
McGee: Well, Val and I were each other's first kiss.
Tony: What does that have to do with the tooth?
McGee: It was allergy season and, well, I leaned in for a kiss. Got a little itch. Turned into a sneeze and I head-butted her.
Valeri: I spent the next few hours at the dentist.
Bishop: Talk about memorable.
Tony: Timothy Farragut McGee. You smooth operator.
McGee: Tony.
Tony: Thank you for honoring me with the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

McGee: Sometimes I think you prefer being alone.
Tony: We all have to live with our decisions, Tim.

Tony: Gibbs, I don't think Abby's heart cakes are edible.
Gibbs: They're tofu, DiNozzo. You keep chewing.

Tony: Remember Max Headroom, Gibbs?
Gibbs: Who?
Tony: From the 80s. Robot-head.

I'm confused. Are you having trouble building a case against me? Do you need the Navy's help?

Katz

Tony: We were hoping, Tiffany, that you could...
Tiffany: Trace this to a particular buyer.
Tony: Good guess!
Tiffany: You're cops. This is evidence. Duh.

McGee: You and Zoe broke up?
Tony: You heard.
McGee: Why didn't you tell me?
Tony: Well the break-up bug's going around. Didn't want you to catch it.

Bishop: We're about to go live. What are you guys talking about?
McGee and Tony: Star Wars.

Sonja: Tony DiNozzo. Why does your name ring a bell?
Tony: I'm kind of a legend in the NCIS world.
Sonja: I don't know anything about that. I transferred from ATF.
Tony: ATF? Ever work with Zoe Keates?
Sonja: Yeah. Training exercises in Georgia. You two are dating!
Tony: Ah. Well that's over now.
Sonja: Well I hope for your sake she ended it, cause that girl was mean on the jujitsu mat.
Tony: I miss that.

NCIS Quotes

‘You think you’re alone in the dark. Close your eyes. Remember everything good.’ My mom said that to me just before she died. Smart lady.

Gibbs

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.