The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXBart Simpson Quotes
Martin: As a natural enemy, I don't know why I should care, but the information pertaining to America's colonial period that you just received is erroneous.
Bart: So, you're saying--
Martin: A blindfolded chimp with a pencil in his teeth has a better chance at passing this test than you do.
Mrs. Krabappel: But look at these results: fifty-five, forty-two, twenty-six. A twelve on state capitals?
Bart: Okay, okay! Why are we dancing around the obvious? I know it, you know it! I am dumb, okay? Dumb as a post. Think I'm happy about it?
Bart: Principal Skinner? This is bogus man, you know the rules: two letter and a conference before I get a home visit.
Skinner: Bart, my cargo pants indicate I am not here on school business. I'm here on cool business, i.e. curl business.
Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Hello. Is Al there?
Moe: Al?
Bart: Yeah, Al. Last name, Coholic.
Moe: Lemme check. Phone call for Al, Al Coholic. (Louder) Is there an Al Coholic here?
(Everyone in the bar laughs at Moe.)
Moe: Wait a minute. Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass. If I ever find out who you are, I'll kill ya!
Bart: We know who you are, Ms. Botz. Or should I say, Ms. Botzcowski. You're the Baby-sitter Bandit!
Ms. Botz: You're a smart, young man, Bart. I hope you're smart enough to keep your mouth shut.
Lisa: He isn't.
Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Is Oliver there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Oliver Klozoff.
Moe: Hold on. I'll check. Oliver Klozoff! Call for Oliver Klozoff!
Bart: But, dad, you're giving in to mob mentality.
Homer: No, I'm not! I'm hopping on the bandwagon. Now, come on, son. Get with the winning team.
Lisa: Wait a minute. Krusty can't read.
Bart: Okay! Okay! So the poor guy can't read. Can't we get off his back, already?
Lisa: No! Don't you get it, Bart? How could Krusty have been reading a magazine if he can't read?
Apu: Hey, hey. This is not a lending library. If you're not going to buy that thing put it down, or I'll blow your heads off!
Sideshow Bob: Bart, children, this whole sordid affair has been a shock to all of us. But we must get on with our lives. Let's try to remember Krusty, not as a hardened criminal, but as that loveable jester who honked his horn and puttered around in his little car.
Bart: And shot you out of a cannon.
Sideshow Bob: And shot me out of a cannon. Yes, we will never forget that, will we?
Marge: Oh, my! All this senseless violence. I don't understand its appeal.
Bart: We don't expect you to, Mom.
Lisa: If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time.
Scott Christian: Why did the clown cross the road? To rob a Kwik-E-Mart. The news story behind that enigmatic half-joke right after this commercial message.
Homer: Wait a minute. Bart, you know that guy on your lunchbox?
Bart: Oh, you mean, Krusty the Clown?
Homer: He's sort of a hero of yours, isn't he?
Bart: Are you kidding? He's my idol! I've based my life on Krusty's teachings.
(Bart tries to seek help from a French policeman after he is sent into town by Cesar and Ugolin, and he walks away dejected, because he couldn't communicate in French with the policeman.)
Bart: I'm so stupid. Anybody could have learned this dumb language by now. Here I've listened to nothing but French for the past (Speaking French) two months and I haven't learned a word. Wait! I'm talking French now. Incredible!
(Bart runs back up to the French policeman.)
Bart: (Speaking French) You gotta help me! These two guys work me night and day. They don't feed me. They make me sleep on the floor. They put anti-freeze in the wine, and they gave my red hat to the donkey.
Policeman: (Speaking French) Anti-freeze in the wine? That is a very serious crime!
