Popular Berta Quotes
Berta: So who do you suppose was smoking Teddy's sausage?
Courtney: Berta, that is my father in there!
Berta: OK, so who do you suppose was smoking your father's sausage?
What's bugging you, Zippy? Your blow-up doll run off with a pool toy?
Man, you'll do anything not to kick in a little rent, won't you?
Berta [to Alan after seeing him in bed with Charlie]
Berta: (reading title of book) Cooking for Dummies.
Charlie: No offense, Jake, I'm actually cooking for everybody.
Berta: Who's the Smurf?
Alan: The "Smurf" is my receptionist.
Berta: You're letting Charlie hit that?
Berta: It's none of my business, but that's one kid who can't afford to miss a day of school.
Charlie: Yeah, like school's gonna make a difference.
(staple gun is heard)
Jake: Oh, crap, I stapled my fingers together!
Berta: You got a point.
Berta: Where you going?
Charlie: Out for a swim
Alan: You never go in the water.
Charlie: That's because I'm not a good swimmer.
Alan: You don't think he's gonna?
Berta: I dunno?
Alan: Charlie, stop this!
Berta: Charlie! Come back it's not that bad!
Alan: Come on, Charlie! You still have your family!
Berta: Very smart, now he's sprinting.
Berta: Damnit Charlie, get out of that water!
Alan: We need to go after him.
Berta: Don't look at me! I just ate, I gotta wait a half an hour.
Alan: Well I just took a shower and washed my hair, this is leave in conditioner.
Berta: What about Jake?
Alan: Jake's at this mother's.
Berta: Maybe we should give him a call.
Alan: There's no time!
Charlie [comes back soaking]: Water's really cold.
Alan: Just so you know we were about to come get you.
Alan: I think we should call the police.
Berta: Nah, he'll show. He may be broke and riddled with gonorrhea, but he'll find his way home.
Berta: Oh crap.
Alan: What?
Berta: Just a little disappointed. I saw Chelsea's car in the driveway and didn't see yours.
Berta: When I came down here I was hoping to be a dancer.
Charlie: Really?
Berta: Yeah, then I met pot and donuts. Before I knew it I was scrubbing toilets and hosing teenage barf out of wicker baskets.
I miss the 80's but you don't see me snorting blow of a DeLorean.
