Popular Berta Quotes
Man, If I'd known you liked the whacky weed, I wouldn't have spent the last eight years getting baked under the deck. You know, when I was on break.
Alan: Dammit, how do you get a guy to leave your house who doesn't want to go?
Berta: Tell him you missed your period and you're out of pot. It always worked for me.
Berta: End of era, huh charlie?
Charlie: Yep. From now on, no brother, no nephew. Just the sounds of the ocean punctuated by the soft voices of prostitutes lying about the enormity of my sexual organ.
Berta: You do know how to paint a picture
Charlie: What can I say, i have the heart of a poet.
Berta: Unfortunately the rest of you is a drunken scumbag
Charlie: Did you tell her to roll me over on my stomach in case I vomit?
Berta: It was number one on my list.
Jake: Uncle Charlie in there?
Berta: Yep.
Jake: Drunk?
Berta: Hammered.
Jake: You clean him out?
Berta: Would I do that to my little buddy?
I've been looking forward to this all year... giving you guys the bird.
Alan: What's wrong with him?
Berta: Classic case of va-jay-jay fever.
Alan: Colorfully put. I'm just surprised to see Charlie fall for it.
Berta: Sooner or later all men fall for it. How do you think I got my condo in Palm Springs?
Alan: You have a condo in Palm Springs?
Berta: No, figure of speech. Don't try to stop by.
Berta: I also found a half written suicide note in your brother's handwriting. Should I be nervous?
Charlie: You mean that he won't get through with it?
Charlie: Berta, are you seeing this? Am I dreaming?
Berta: Do you have the Kardashian sisters under the table?
Charlie: No.
Berta: Then you're not dreaming.
Alan: You're going to lose quite a bit of money by pulling out early.
Berta: Yeah well if Jimmy Lee did the same, I wouldn't need the money.
Alan: I hope it works out with your granddaughters.
Berta: They're 15 years old and pregnant. What should they look forward to - the next season of "Teen Mom?"
Alan: Then we went skinny dipping. Who's idea was that?
Berta: Mine.
