Favorite Dan Humphrey Quotes
Dan: The arts and crafts were impressive, but how did you manage the real snow?
Serena: I'm well connected.
Dan: This is, without question, the best Christmas ever.
Serena: Ever. In the history of Christmas.
Blair: Tell me, for someone who's so determined to remain a free person, why are you still here?
Dan: Listen, I'm not going to work for you. But as a friend I am willing to help out. All you have to do is admit you need me.
Blair: What? Never. The last person I need is Dan Humphrey. Who shouldn't flatter himself by thinking he's my friend. [on phone] Yes, I need immediate delivery of four venti lattes with extra shots — none of which are for you.
Dan: Oh good. I don't really like refreshments with my theatre.
Dan: See I told you. Food is more delicious when you cook it yourself.
Nate: Yup. That's why we're going to end this experiment in middle class living and then call the housekeeper to clean up.
Blair: No way! I stuck my hand up a turkey's butt. You're not getting out of your job.
Serena: Dan?
Dan: Oh. Of course.
Serena: Did I just catch you on a walk of shame?
Blair: Look, I think I figured it out. Okay, Serena had an affair with her teacher because, let's face it, it's Serena and what else is there to do in Connecticut. Then she came to her senses and discarded him like last season's Chanel booties. Then he became a crazy stalker and Serena pressed charges. That should be a warning to you, Humphrey.
Dan: Yeah, because the parallels are striking.
Dan: Well this way I can initiate a whole new round of pestering you to submit it.
Blair: But I already did. Yesterday. I gave your article to a junior editor. At Vanity Fair, not Details. I'm assuming that won't be a problem.
Dan: Wait, so you submitted it without reading it?
Blair: Of course I read it. I have a reputation to uphold.
Dan: And you still put me through the ringer?
Blair: It was good.
Dan: I'm sorry. What'd you just say?
Blair: You heard me. It was sharp. And well-observed. When it comes to experiencing an ex with a new love, you have some insight.
Dan: When was the last time you slept?
Blair: Sleep is for the weak.
Blair: I've never been so happy for Internet porn! Humphrey, you've done a fine job. Serena and I can take it from here.
Dan: Okay, but you may lose me to CSI: Williamsburg.
Dan: It's a really weird, embarrassing thing for a college guy to be admitting but ... losing Milo broke my heart.
Vanessa: I know. Mine too.
Dan: Sorry, I'm so tired lately, Milo's been really colicky.
Vanessa: The fact that you even know what that means is scary.
Dan: You'd be shocked at what I know about breast milk, baby poop, and episiotomies.
Vanessa: Wow, do not mention her Geor-gina.
Nate: Juliet and I have this nice little evening planned after the mixer. Got some nice champagne, new Matteo sheets ... and I'm hoping some recently purchased lingerie.
Dan: That's for her, right?
Dan: Aren't I about the last person you want helping you?
Blair: You love Serena, don't you? So. We have something in common. So what do you say we find the bitch and get us some frontier justice.
