Popular Dwight Schrute Quotes
Jim: You look cute today, Dwight.
Dwight: Thanks, girl.
I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions.
Dwight
And I did not become a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff's deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't.
Dwight
Dwight: Do you know what this is?
Phyllis: Yes. It's marijuana.
Dwight: How do you know that?
Phyllis: It's labeled.
Dwight: Dammit.
Michael: Okay, attention everyone. The drug testing has been canceled. Instead I will be going around to each of you, and doing a visual inspection.
Dwight: No, you can't do that.
Michael: I can do that, it's my office, and...
Dwight: No you cannot. It has to be official, and IT HAS TO BE URINE.
Dwight: You might remember testing my urine a few years back, when I was applying to be a volunteer sheriff's deputy.
Linda: We test a lot of urine.
Dwight: Mine was green.
Linda: Oh, right. How are you?
Dwight: All better.
Michael: So, you are all going to have a drug test. And I am not.
Dwight: No, you will be tested.
Michael: Yes, I will not be.
Dwight: No, you will be. That is the law, according to the rules.
Michael: OK, well, Dwight, just know that I've been very busy today, and I've got a lot of work to do, and I wasn't planning on going to the bathroom, and I don't even know if anything's going to come out.
Angela: Do you want to give Michael your urine?
Dwight: I want him to have all the urine he needs.
Oscar went to Mexico when he was five to attend his great-grandmother's funeral. What does that mean to an United States law enforcement officer? He's a potential drug mule.
Dwight
Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
Jim: Dwight tried to kiss me.
Michael: What?
Jim: And I didn't tell anyone, 'cause I'm not really sure how I feel about it.
Dwight: That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!
Jim: Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it.
Jim: Dwight, what are you doing?
Dwight: What?
Jim: What are you doing?
Dwight: Just clearing my desk. I can't concentrate.
Jim: It's not on your desk!
Dwight: It's overlapping. It's all spilling over the edge. One word, two syllables. Demarcation.
