Popular Dwight Schrute Quotes
Dwight: I have a girlfriend.
Jim: Sure you do.
Pam: It's a nice tux.
Dwight: I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so... family heirloom.
Michael said, "We must deceive them, so as not to hurt them, and in that way, we honor them."
Dwight
Jim: Ever since I was a little kid, like eight or nine, I could sort of control things with my mind.
Dwight: I don't believe you. Continue.
Michael: I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim: Oh, I think you mean the Aid to Afghanistan.
Michael: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael: What?
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael: That's a dog.
Pam: No, that's afghan.
Michael: That's a shawl.
Dwight: Wait, canine AIDS?
Michael: No, humans with AIDS.
Creed: Who has AIDS?
Codename Re/Max is here. No sign of Lan Jevinson.
Dwight
(crying) Jim is g-gone!!! He's gone, I miss him so MUCH!! OOH, I cry myself to sleep!!! JIIIM!! (stops crying) False. I do not miss him.
Dwight: Jim told me you can buy gaydar online.
Michael: That's ridiculous.
Dwight: Probably. He didn't tell the truth a lot.
Michael: Let's call him and get the website.
Dwight: Definitely.
Michael: I need to know who else is gay. I don't want to offend anyone else.
Dwight: You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive.
Michael: Yeah. I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay.
Dwight: (sees Jerome Bettis) Why do they call him The Bus?
Michael: Because he's afraid to fly.
Michael: [looking at hotel bed under black light] Whoa, what are all those stains?
Dwight: Blood, urine or semen.
Michael: Oh god, I hope it's urine.
Jim: Dwight, what are you doing?
Dwight: What?
Jim: What are you doing?
Dwight: Just clearing my desk. I can't concentrate.
Jim: It's not on your desk!
Dwight: It's overlapping. It's all spilling over the edge. One word, two syllables. Demarcation.
