Dwight: What makes you think you'd be an effective paper salesman?
Trevor: Ooh, didn't see that one coming.

You say jump, and he says on who?

Really Jim? You don't understand the difference between a slaughter house and a rendering plant? Uhhh, remind me not to lend you any dead cows or horses.

Joke's on you buddy. They make you come back and clean it up.

Yes we will be delivering a shipment of paper today, but I will also be delivering you a big shipment of fun!

It can't be more fun the selling paper and paper products.

I'll be damned if I'm gonna let us lose me.

Clark: All that really specific cat turd business, that was about you right?
Dwight: You got me...I used to collect them.

Client: There he is; my son.
Dwight: He's got cat turd collector written all over him.

You can make it in 30 minutes if you drive 240 miles an hour.

Dwight: I hope you've been paying your wig storage bills Jimbo, because it's time for another episode of Handsome and Stinky: Paper Brothers For Hire.

Of all of the vermin in God's great green kingdom, lice are the ones I detest the most. My first day of school, I had lice, and no one would play with me. For 15 years, they called me freak and four eyes and sci-fi nerd and girl puncher. All because I had lice when I was 7.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael